Wow. The world has changed so much but also so little in 2020. It is not as if these new issues, new changes, new challenges are barely emerging but more that they have come to light. Humanity, our society, as a whole has been put under a spotlight. I haven’t liked what I have seen or felt. It overwhelms me and saddens me. I am glad that certain things are now being more publically fought for and change is being demanded but it is a lot to comprehend all at once. It is a lot to find a place and purpose in all of it.
I highly contemplated disconnecting from the internet completely – to avoid the stress and pressure to appear real, genuine, kind while being politically intelligent and correct. I have always felt apprehensiveness in promoting my own contributions to the internet, but especially now is it harder to share.
Also Read:Thanks COVID-19 pt. 3 (And Easter)
I have been at a loss at what to do concerning this little corner of the internet that I created for myself. I had a vision of it being a fun, full of light, place where I could share and experiment and help people while possibly make some money while doing it. But it is also easy to lose that vision to all the other feelings that appear when you share yourself to others.
I have never considered myself a writer, as I have never embodied or related to the “writer stereotype” you see on TV, in books, and at school. You know that person who is constantly working on their next debut novel and/or majoring in Creative Writing in college. I consistently received B’s and C’s for my papers in school. I majored in Music, avoiding as many classes that involved writing. Probably because I hate editing and revising while sticking standards. I don’t want to write a book or the next news breaking article.
But I love writing. I journal. A lot. Filling one each year. There are mostly filled with thoughts and feelings about boys, family drama, and questions about my future. A lot of times I feel like Anne Frank when she wanted to edit and revise those entries that revealed any sort of naiveness or youth. I do feel joy and relief to write it all out and it gives me a chance to contemplate as well as appreciate my world, but these entries are not written to share with the world.
Also Read: Thoughts by a Human…
I get passionate about things, ideas, books, and excited about my adventures on trips. And sharing those things usually turn into words in a text or an instagram caption. Those photos and videos that captured memories that I still dream about sit on my phone and I just have to share them. Because they make me happy.
This blog, when I started it 7 years ago on Blogger.com (remember that??) was intended to be another journal of sorts. But one that was visually pleasing, reader engagement-based, and even business-like. Full of consistently planned posts and Pinterestable graphics – essentially a journal worth the public reading. But it turns out that is not realistic nor interesting to me.
But you know what? I refuse to let all of these feelings of self-doubt and fear stop me. I LOVE to write. I love my little blog and this corner of the internet that I have created here at this website and on my social media profiles. I love sharing and seeing other people’s thoughts and art. I love learning from other human beings. But it is also fun. I enjoy writing these posts, designing graphics and headers. I enjoy posting and commenting and using this corner for good even if it only reaches one person, myself, per post. Well I enjoy it without the self added pressure.
I’m going to keep doing this – whether I have readers or likes. I am no longer going to worry about money or stats. I will start disengaging from the millions of articles titled “How to Build a Blog in 2020” and “How I Made X Amount of Money in 3 Months BLOGGING” on Pinterest. Now don’t get me wrong, when those things increase or I am inspired by these articles I feel an immense amount of joy and drive for this corner. There is also validation in my hard work. But mostly I love meeting new people and feeling that my world extends farther than my bedroom desk, especially now. I would rather have that fuel my work.
So… Thanks for the Adventure, Blog. I knew that this process would be hard at times and require some soul searching occasionally. But it’s worth it. I am excited to see where this goes. I am excited to share, create, research, read. I am excited to be publically passionate and supportive of other artists and writers. What a world 🙂
Socials : Instagram / Facebook / Goodreads
3 thoughts on “Thoughts by a Wannabe Not So Wannabe Blogger”
Oh Becca, I do completely understand and empathise with all you have written here. I have seen and heard all that has been going on around the world since lock-down and am glad and hopeful that something good may come of the protests. However, I am not capable of expressing those feelings myself and am not courageous or eloquent enough to write posts about it. I have never thought of myself as a writer either, but like you I find great pleasure in writing blog posts and recording events and thoughts in my diary. Some of the bloggers I follow have become extremely political and insistent in their manner of writing recently and though I may agree with some of the things they say I have had to abstain from commenting for fear I say something stupid and ‘heap coals on my head’! I think the world will always need bloggers like you (and I hope, me) because we can’t always be shouting and fighting for rights. Sometimes it is a comfort to read a post written by a thoughtful and quiet person and to hear about the books they enjoy reading, the places they’ve visited and the thoughts they have had on all sorts of things.
Keep up the good work, Becca!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh thank you Clare for your sweet sweet comment! This absloutely means the world to me and completely made my day (well week really!) We both have something worthwhile to say, and we shouldn’t be afraid. And honestly just making new internet friends and sweet connections like this make it worth it all. Thank you again for reading and commenting! I look forward to reading your upcoming blog posts. Know that you’ve got me in your support group and will be cheering you on!
LikeLiked by 1 person
My absolute pleasure, Becca and thank you!