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Thoughts by a Wannabe Not So Wannabe Blogger

June 14, 2020June 14, 2020by Becca Clarke3 Comments

Wow. The world has changed so much but also so little in 2020. It is not as if these new issues, new changes, new challenges are barely emerging but more that they have come to light. Humanity, our society, as a whole has been put under a spotlight. I haven’t liked what I have seen or felt. It overwhelms me and saddens me. I am glad that certain things are now being more publically fought for and change is being demanded but it is a lot to comprehend all at once. It is a lot to find a place and purpose in all of it.

I highly contemplated disconnecting from the internet completely – to avoid the stress and pressure to appear real, genuine, kind while being politically intelligent and correct. I have always felt apprehensiveness in promoting my own contributions to the internet, but especially now is it harder to share.

Also Read:Thanks COVID-19 pt. 3 (And Easter)

I have been at a loss at what to do concerning this little corner of the internet that I created for myself. I had a vision of it being a fun, full of light, place where I could share and experiment and help people while possibly make some money while doing it. But it is also easy to lose that vision to all the other feelings that appear when you share yourself to others.

I have never considered myself a writer, as I have never embodied or related to the “writer stereotype” you see on TV, in books, and at school. You know that person who is constantly working on their next debut novel and/or majoring in Creative Writing in college. I consistently received B’s and C’s for my papers in school. I majored in Music, avoiding as many classes that involved writing. Probably because I hate editing and revising while sticking standards. I don’t want to write a book or the next news breaking article.

But I love writing. I journal. A lot. Filling one each year. There are mostly filled with thoughts and feelings about boys, family drama, and questions about my future. A lot of times I feel like Anne Frank when she wanted to edit and revise those entries that revealed any sort of naiveness or youth. I do feel joy and relief to write it all out and it gives me a chance to contemplate as well as appreciate my world, but these entries are not written to share with the world.

Also Read: Thoughts by a Human…

I get passionate about things, ideas, books, and excited about my adventures on trips. And sharing those things usually turn into words in a text or an instagram caption. Those photos and videos that captured memories that I still dream about sit on my phone and I just have to share them. Because they make me happy.

This blog, when I started it 7 years ago on Blogger.com (remember that??) was intended to be another journal of sorts. But one that was visually pleasing, reader engagement-based, and even business-like. Full of consistently planned posts and Pinterestable graphics – essentially a journal worth the public reading. But it turns out that is not realistic nor interesting to me.

But you know what? I refuse to let all of these feelings of self-doubt and fear stop me. I LOVE to write. I love my little blog and this corner of the internet that I have created here at this website and on my social media profiles. I love sharing and seeing other people’s thoughts and art. I love learning from other human beings. But it is also fun. I enjoy writing these posts, designing graphics and headers. I enjoy posting and commenting and using this corner for good even if it only reaches one person, myself, per post. Well I enjoy it without the self added pressure.

I’m going to keep doing this – whether I have readers or likes. I am no longer going to worry about money or stats. I will start disengaging from the millions of articles titled “How to Build a Blog in 2020” and “How I Made X Amount of Money in 3 Months BLOGGING” on Pinterest. Now don’t get me wrong, when those things increase or I am inspired by these articles I feel an immense amount of joy and drive for this corner. There is also validation in my hard work. But mostly I love meeting new people and feeling that my world extends farther than my bedroom desk, especially now. I would rather have that fuel my work.

So… Thanks for the Adventure, Blog. I knew that this process would be hard at times and require some soul searching occasionally. But it’s worth it. I am excited to see where this goes. I am excited to share, create, research, read. I am excited to be publically passionate and supportive of other artists and writers. What a world 🙂

Socials : Instagram / Facebook / Goodreads

Books, Bucketlist, Uncategorized

Quarantine Books / Month 2

May 8, 2020by Becca ClarkeLeave a Comment

I am honestly blown away with how quickly the time, days, weeks, and months are passing through this pandemic, and priorities seem to change on a daily basis. Hence, why posts haven’t necessarily been happening on this platform. But that is OKAY (at least that’s what I tell myself…)

My reading has slowed down quite a bit. I have found a new daily grind and sadly it includes way too much time on my social media apps on my phone instead of reading or creating music. I think it is that desire to connect that everyone is talking about?? That being said, posts are planned and will be posted. I hope someone will read them…

Speaking of reading? Here are the books that I delved into in the month of April 2020 AKA Month 2 of Quarantine Books.

Also read Quarantine Books (March in Books)

WE RIDE UPON STICKS by Quan Barry

Get ready for some literary gushing…This book was an absolute gem to read and I am oh-so-grateful for my bestie, Diana, and the Fantastic Stranglings Bookclub by the Jenny Lawson. I am so glad I read this when I did because I discovered that two of my Top Shelf Vocal gals were also reading it. We started our own little book club over email and it made my heart happy.

Overall, the vibe of the book is funny and realistic with some dark paranormal elements that may or may not be real… The reader spends an entire summer/school year with a high school field hockey team in the 80s. There is every 80s reference one could want as well as teen topics that we all have dealt with. There are hints of feminism, the importance of friendship, and what happens when teen girls grow up. Even though I suffered through high school in the 2010s, I felt that the issues and situations were still very relatable (even now in adulthood) and the jokes were genuinely funny. I was lol-ing in just about every chapter.

The writing was astounding. At first, I had a hard time following the flow. There always seemed to be a lot going on at once without much direction. It wasn’t until I had realized that the POV was not from any one character, or even as third-person, but from the team as a whole. Their entire psyche was connected and telling the story. It added to the vibe and created a seamless storyline.

The characters were the biggest gems (other than the writing). I highly related to Becca, because…the name 😉 and big boob probs. I had definitely worn more than one sports bra to PE and was a proud, secret, member of the BBC (Big-Boobs-Club.) I also loved and related to Julie, since I too grew up in a conservative household, and I thought her very funny. I LOVED that “The Claw” and “Splotch” were their own beings and characters and the “Philip” situation/resolution was to die for.

The setting of the Boston North Shore brought me joy since the previously mentioned bestie is from there. I fell in love with the area when I visited years ago and I miss said bestie. So it was like having her closer, especially since she gifted the book club subscription!

All this being said…I loved it and was genuinely surprised that I loved it so much. My favorite Quarantine Read so far. Boom. You go Quan Barry.

“Hit the Earth three times with your stick. Lift your eyes to the hole in the night. Remember that darkness simply requires another way of seeing. Be your own light. And just like that, you’ll find yourself everywhere and instantly.”

Read I am Completely Fine…

MANSFIELD PARK by Jane Austen

An absolute classic that, surprisingly, I had never read before…

While not my most favorite Austen novel, it had all the qualities and characters that you can’t help but love in her works.

In my experience, every Austen novel is slow for the first hundred pages or so with long and expressive character development. Some necessary and some of it not. This book seemed to be extremely slow with it not capturing my excitement until the last hundred pages. The ending had the elements that I was hoping for but it seemed sudden and not satisfying. Not like P&P.

The characters were not my favorite and quite annoyed me really. The only redeeming one was Fanny Price, who may be my favorite heroine so far. I absolutely loved her and personally related to her. She had growth and thoughts that have been recorded in my little quote book.

I will say, the 1999 film rendition was absolute perfection, which I watched immediately after finishing the book. While straying from the book it still had that “Austen” essence. Fanny, in the film, was much more outgoing and outspoken. She had much more personality, which made me like her much more in general, but I was still in love with Austen’s original Fanny Price. Scenes were cut or reordered, but it allowed the flow and the themes to shine more. The humor was there and the men were oh-so-dreamy.

Overall, Mansfield Park‘s storyline was very similar to P&P, in my opinion, but still worth reading. There is nothing quite like Jane Austen on a rainy day.

“Her own thoughts and reflections were habitually her best companions.”

Read To All the… (a book review and a love note)

WATER FOR ELEPHANTS by Sara Gruen

*DISCLAIMER* – My reasoning behind reading this novel was based on the fact that I adore the movie. So much so that I purchased the DVD in college, despite not owning a playing device at the time. Also, Robert Pattison is a dream and Reese Witherspoon is a queen.

This was a nice, blissful, read. I love romantic period/historical books and movies so I was already sold to begin with. The storyline feels complete with the characters, events, the climax, and the ending. I will say that I loved the book’s switching back and forth in time in Jacob’s POV.

Jacob, Rosie, and the minor circus characters were by far my favorites. August was an alluring but somewhat boring villain and Marlena was kinda “eh” for me. Jacob was a lovable protagonist who had growth, both in the storyline of his past and future. I especially loved his kooky, somewhat negative, but sweet older self. Rosie was just a joy and I wish she had more moments in the book.

The themes were subtle but very apparent. Animal abuse, human cruelty, human kindness, family – both by blood and chosen, sex, growing up, circus (or outsider) culture, were among the few. There wasn’t one stand-out theme overall but they did add to the story. Overall it was an enjoyable read, simple in some ways but still good. Admittedly, I still like the movie better…

“Keeping up the appearance of having all your marbles is hard work, but important.”

“Life is the most spectacular show on Earth.”

Read Thanks for the Bucketlist #2

Although sometimes I have added a pressure to “read faster” and “read more,” because of my little Bucketlist goal – Books have still been a joyous thing to have. I love stories and different worlds. And sometimes delving into a different one is quite necessary.

Go enjoy the sun, Spring/Summer seems to be coming. Read more. Call more. Write more. Listen more.

Anyways, as always…

Thanks for the adventure, (Quarantine) Books.

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Life, Uncategorized

Thanks COVID-19 pt. 3 (And Easter)

April 14, 2020by Becca Clarke1 Comment

(4/12/20) Typically this entry should go at the end but… A quick word about Easter.

It was an absolutely lovely day, despite having no sun or family around like normal Easter Sunday’s have been. I did lots of baking and cooking, listened to Handel’s Messiah in its entirety, and rewatched classics like The Notebook and Harry Potter. I was raised very religiously so this holiday has always been pretty significant. While I have not quite continued in that path I had a lovely, spiritual, day. It allowed me to think and be grateful for what I have as well as what I believe is at the core of the Easter and Passover Season:

This is a time of rebirth and change. It is a time where beauty, warmth, and new life arises after a dark period. Winter to Spring. I, and I’m sure many others, have been feeling this motivation to create a positive outcome out of the strange time of being forced to stay at home and away from others. It is a time where we have been given more time to think and do. I have heard many people exclaim (and have caught myself doing the same) that we will emerge from this quarantine with a new skill, more books read, goals accomplished, and fitter bodies. It just seemed a little ironic, and comforting that this holiday season happened amongst all this.

Anyways, it’s the little things. I may be pulling and stretching more and more to see the light in all this. But I’m glad I am.

Back to the normal, chronological, sequence of entries…

Read Thanks COVID-19

(4/1/20) The number of cases is growing. Parks are closing. More states are receiving orders to shelter in place. Politics are exploding. I’ve stopped checking the news as much. There is a new “normal.”

While there doesn’t seem to be a shift in the trajectory of this virus and how it’s spreading and how many are being affected, I have felt a shift in my own perspective today. I don’t know if it is because it is the start of a new month or even feeling the weather become warmer (which makes me happier in general.)

Today I suddenly felt like, “It’s going to be okay.” Time is still moving. The first couple of weeks of all of this it felt that time did stop. It felt as if all of a sudden the threat to my life and how I want to live it was bigger and more threatening. But the reality is, even before this pandemic and going forward after we start healing as a world from this, there was always a threat to life. and there will always be a chance of life suddenly changing, or even ending. You just don’t know.

It made me start thinking: when I wasn’t afraid of going to the grocery store or any sort of physical touch from anyone, how did I live? I just lived. Mind you, life was still hard and scary but for different reasons. This pandemic requires the same amount of strength that I have used against struggles against my mental health, the unknown and fears of my future, and even against other illnesses. Everyone has this strength in them, and I am starting to see it more and more. We all go through hard things and come out on top.

I anticipate that we will be in this strange state of a “paused life” for more time than was originally thought. But I also see a positive outcome. Don’t get me wrong, I am heartbroken for those who are sick, struggling financially, or have lost loved ones because of this. I don’t have much control over what I am capable of doing to aid some of that pain. I am staying home and use extreme precautions, and that is honestly one of the best things to do. I am trying to reach out more and more to friends and family. I am trying to create a positive and healthy place around me.

I am appalled when I see posts and pictures of my friends in other states and social distancing are not being done. I am terrified that my sister’s coworker claimed all of this is a hoax and is insisting on having parties and still coming to work. Meanwhile, she is sick and waiting to receive her test results back.

There is still fear. There will still be anger felt. But all we can do is do our best, stay at home, and live.

Read Thanks COVID-19 pt. 2

(4/10/20) Welp, it’s been a while…I haven’t felt super strong emotions, and fear, as I had been feeling at the beginning of the pandemic here in California, USA. There’s been a new normal that has been established, and a silver lining that I have found.

I am trying to become more in tune and in love with myself, my body, my dreams, and my reality. These things I have always tried to make a priority, but everything in life had seemed too busy. Kind of like a TV character standing in the middle of a busy intersection as cars, pedestrians, dogs, and bikers stream by. Moving so quickly that they are just streaks of colors, meanwhile the main subject is standing still.

But that silver lining that I mentioned before, is the time and the calmness at home to really enjoy those things. To really focus on me, but also really focus on those closest to me.

I mentioned it in the previous entry, but there is a new normal and even more so now. Because it is so, everything is not so scary. I know what I need to do to be safe and sane in all of this.

I wake up every day with the sun. No alarm. The earlier I fall asleep the night before the earlier I wake up, but it’s become later and later as I spend every late-night watching Netflix with my best friend over speakerphone, which I much prefer over early morning. Even Jasper is jiving with my new schedule and likes to cuddle and sleep in until 9 every morning.

I still make my bed, as it makes things feel put together and clean. I get into my workout clothes. Sometimes I eat breakfast first or I go out on a run, depending on the day. If it’s sunny, which it usually is except for this past week… I do some yoga in the backyard. The rest of my days are sprinkled with writing here, work, online window shopping, Instagram browsing, reading, practicing, Zoom calls, Snapchat, Podcasts, and lots of music. Some days I wear makeup. Sometimes I curl my hair. Every night I talk to someone on the phone, whether that be family or close friends. Not so much for them, but for my own selfish, lonely, feelings.

I like this slower pace but I am starting to miss the busy. But I truly think once all of this starts making a positive turn, life will not simply go back to the way it was. I think I will be less “busy,” but with more things that I enjoy. In this isolation period, I am missing things that I had previously felt “burnt out” of, such as serious music practice and classical music in general. I am feeling more motivated to “self-brand” myself and really do the things that I love, without shame. I feel an entrepreneur spirit. The little things are now bigger.

Overall, I feel more the effects of these “silver linings” and I am very much grateful for it. I am feeling guilt over my gratitude over this dire situation the entire world is in. So I am determined to keep being the best “me” I possibly can be to try and combat those feelings, as I feel very little control over the situation and my ability to add significant aid to others.

So I hope these little meager posts are helpful or simply a break to someone. I hope there is some beauty and silver linings in your life right now. We can do this, World. And what a beautiful place it’ll be.

Read Thanks COVID-19 pt. 2

Please please please share a comment! Follow the blog! I would love to follow back! This sharing thing is scary at times, but so worthwhile when I connect with others through it. Especially now. Anyways, lots of love and hope for health and safety to all of you.

Stayed tuned for a travel blog/vlog next!

Can’t wait? Read Thanks for the Memories Taiwan (Part 1)

Anyways…

Thanks for the Adventure, Corona (and Easter)

SOCIALS!

Instagram – I am constantly browsing, posting, and commenting here! (or at least it feels like it) Posting everything from blog, books, dogs, and music music music 🙂

Facebook – Blog updates and occasional Instagram content that’s too good, or simply makes me happy, to not share.

Goodreads – All things books! Full reviews are on there!

Bloglovin’ – I’m trying out this platform. You like it? Follow me! Show me why it’s worth investing in 🙂

Books, Uncategorized

Quarantine Books (March in Books)

April 2, 2020by Becca Clarke5 Comments

Well…what a month. I, like many others, did not anticipate this new world and this new normal. At first, like everyone else, I thought I would have much more time to read and I reveled in it. Then about a week into self-isolation after watching the news and the global pandemic unfold, reading became harder. My anxiety levels soared and my focus turned to other things.

All in all, such good reads this month! I have to give a huge shoutout to The Bloggess (Jenny Lawson), her Fantastic Stranglings Book Club, and my best friend, Diana, who gifted me the best Christmas gift ever. Without this Book Club, I would not have survived this past, pandemic, month, and I would not have read these gems.

Why am I reading so much? (Other than just for the love of stories, books, and attempting to better myself?) Read about my Bucketlist item HERE

AMERICAN SHERLOCK:MURDER, FORENSICS, AND THE BIRTH OF AMERICAN CSI by Kate Winkler Dawson

First off, shout out to Jenny Lawson…the copies sent out for the club were SIGNED! For whatever reason, this made my day and made me feel exponentially more special. This book was different from my typical go-to reads, despite loving true crime and history in general. But…

If you are a true crime lover or fascinated with criminology or historical cases this is a fantastic book to read.

I wasn’t quite sure what I was getting into. As I started I thought it would be the typical, dry, biography of a guy I had never heard of. Albeit it took me a while to get through this, as I would read a chapter then jump back to one of my fiction reads. But each chapter (which was an individual case) read like a narrative with all the facts and emotions both from Heinrich but also the victims and suspects. (Comparable to individual episodes in a docuseries.) Each chapter built upon each other, revealing Heinrich’s failures and triumphs. Each case and trial was exciting to read about and I felt like I was learning and immersed, instead of being preached to by the author, which happens in biographies at times. It was obviously well researched and it is well written. Overall, enjoyable to read. I loved how the pinnacle case bookended each end of the book and Dawson’s call to action in the epilogue. It is current and relevant.

Now I am waiting for the 1920s/30s period drama with Oscar Heinrich (played by Hugh Laurie possibly??) as the protagonist. Amazon? Hulu? Netflix? Who’s going to take it??

“Oscar never pursued the spotlight-it chased him. A shining light in the dark world of crime, his amazing feats in criminal investigations were unmatched during his time, and that is likely true today.” -Kate Winkler Dawson

“I am not positive that I am doing yet that for which I was created…life is a series of frustrations.” -Oscar Heinrich, quoted by Kate Winkler Dawson

A February themed post about books: To All the… (a book review and a love note)

FOLLOW ME TO GROUND by Sue Rainsford

I will say, even a couple of weeks after finishing this I still can’t say whether or not I understand or loved this read. But I will say Sue Rainsford’s instagram page is one of beauty.

This was dark, haunting, provocative, confusing, but addicting to read. The mystery of who Ada is truly kept me tied in the entire time. It was quick to get through with unique and beautiful writing. The storyline was confusing, but mostly because Ada’s inner dialogue became confusing. The darkness surprised me and I was dissatisfied at the end. But sometimes amazing storytelling has to end that way. What a debut novel. I’m excited to see what else Rainsford writes in the future.

Bucketlist update: 31/52

Well there you go! Month 1 of self-isolation was also a month fueled by the Stranglings Book Club and I am incredibly grateful for it.

I am excited for what is to come, despite all the awfulness in the world right now. I am grateful for this little corner of the internet that is mine and I can share with old and new friends.

Currently reading : WE RIDE UPON STICKS by Quan Barry

Keep up with my thoughts and feelings during the COVID-19 pandemic. I am keeping a journal series: Thanks COVID-19 pt. 2

Please share a comment! I would love to find other bloggers to follow and befriend. I am also ALWAYS in need of book (and lets be real: Netflix) recommendations.

Here’s to April!

Thanks for the Adventure, Quarantine books…

SOCIALS: Instagram – I literally live on and for this app. This is where most of the action happens.

Facebook – I try here…haha but will post any new blog posts!

Goodreads – All things books are here. I will update as I start and finish and occasionally read all the reviews 🙂

Follow me on Bloglovin!

Life, Uncategorized

Thanks COVID-19 pt. 2

March 28, 2020by Becca Clarke2 Comments

(3/19/20) Lots is happening and lots is changing very quickly. They have announced the order to stay at home in LA and California – only go out for necessities. There’s no end date which is a bit concerning.

I’ve been feeling better overall. Less anxious and scared and more accepting of the situation. My days are enjoyable. I go on a run and take jasper on walks. I read. I work a little and I eat. I do a lot of daydreaming and I avoid my phone as much as possible. I avoid reading the news.

I get sad at night. I feel the most lonely at night, but that’s no different than before this pandemic. I mostly miss my close friends in Utah as well as my family.

I feel very far away from everyone and everything and I do find it hard to see an “end”. But I think everyone is feeling that way.

I am also feeling grateful and I want to take advantage of this time of isolation for self-reflection and forcing myself to slow down. I want to continue these survival habits I’ve started this past week.

I have loved the overall positive vibes coming from Instagram and the blogs I follow. I want to keep pushing out the joy in the little things that we all are forced to see now.

It’ll get better. I’ll see my people again. I will give them hugs and kisses. I will go on adventures again.

Read part 1: Thanks COVID-19

(3/28/20) It has been a hot minute, which is the most common opening line in my real journal LOL

But there is a new normal now, which makes me realize how quickly we adapt. I wake up, take the dog out, eat, exercise or play on my phone. I slowly work on my to-do list throughout the day while avoiding my anxiety. I eat more and read more. I usually finish off the day with a book and movie and goodnight wishes with my best friend.

I went to the store for the first time in over a week. It was refreshing and I felt incredibly proud of myself. I felt a bit back-to-normal after interacting with strangers.

I feel so privileged to not feel panicked about my financials right now. I know that if this quarantine period continues I will eventually become affected. But I am grateful to be living where I am, even though I have my moments where I feel absolutely trapped and not at home. I am grateful for my baby, Mister Jasper the dog. And thank goodness for a pandemic-stricken world that still has working technology.

I have my moments. I have had silent panic attacks and sometimes it seems like every night the weight of the world’s problems and my fears come crashing down. A “sorry” to my friend who has to hear it every night. But we have started saying one happy thing to each other as we say goodnight, and it’s usually that the sun came out or that we got our run/workout in. And I am oh-so grateful for those little moments before falling asleep.

I know that this entire situation will not be forever. Our society has gone through this time and time again, and we come together and become stronger because of it. I still have my fears that it won’t or that someone who is dear to me will suffer because of it. I am afraid that my vision of what I would like my life to be will not happen, because of the virus. But I will see my dear friends and loves soon enough. I will be making music, going to the beach, and having a mindless conversation with a stranger at a coffee shop register again.

What a world.

I intend on writing more. This is so therapeutic. I have met a number of new friends through the internet blog/instagram world, which is so exciting and I am so excited about it!

I have plans in the works, and posts to catch up on. I can’t wait to start sharing things that aren’t pandemic related, but simply make me, Becca, happy.

Anyways, as always…

Thanks for the Adventure, Corona.

SOCIALS!

Facebook and Instagram – I would love to follow you back!

Check out my Goodreads to keep up to date what I am currently delving into 🙂

Much love to all of you!

Life, Uncategorized

Thanks COVID-19

March 16, 2020March 16, 2020by Becca Clarke2 Comments

I don’t know where I was going with this when I first started. I mostly needed a place to express my feelings and show others that they are not alone in their feelings. But I also wanted to share some positivity. Browsing social media, listening to podcasts, and talking to friends on the phone I am finding that majority of us are in the same place. Feeling the same feelings and having similar thoughts. We are just processing in our own ways. I really hope everyone is safe and healthy, as well as doing their part to fight this virus and protect those around them.

Today (3/12/20) was a big day for the United States concerning the Corona Virus, and with that brings lots of thoughts.

I have seen many post-apocalyptic movies and have read many books (such as The Giver by Lois Lowry and Anthem by Ayn Rand)…

(3/14/20) Obviously, I didn’t get all my thoughts down on paper at the moment and I’m glad I didn’t. I was full of anxiety, worry, and sadness over all of the uncertainty.

I live in Ventura County (neighboring county to Los Angeles county) and I am in LA 3-4 times a week for rehearsals and social things. Wednesday I thought we would all treat it like the “flu.” Thursday came around and I started to feel the panic myself and by evening the entire future for many people was shaken. Within one day events and rehearsals and jobs were canceled. I found myself needing to writing statements for the groups I sing in and for my online job concerning the virus. I started getting really scared and realizing that it is more than “just the flu.” I was tracking articles and browsing Facebook and getting frustrated and overwhelmed with the conflicting information, opinions, and lack of sympathy from people. It was a lot.

I want to express my thoughts in my safe little corner of the Internet because writing helps me process and feel better.

—The panic is real. While it seems a little uncalled for and extreme in some places of the country, it is ok to be worried for your family and others. That being said, it does not grant permission to be unkind and selfish. Take what you need (not more than you physically need), share with others, and connect with each other. What other time in our lifetimes has the entire world needed to ban together to support each other…oh wait we always should support each other.

—The judgment of others is not okay, and I am guilty of doing this recently myself. Someone may seem to be “over panicking.” You may see their precautions or statements online to quarantine and take the situation seriously as uncalled for because they are “young,” or “privileged” or “healthy.” The truth is you don’t know. They may be young but have a compromised immune system due to invisible chronic illness or necessary medications. They may be in daily contact with someone they care about who is compromised or in the “risk” age group. We shouldn’t have to worry about what others are thinking of us and we shouldn’t be using our energy in making those statements. And these opinions aren’t new, as accusations like this were made towards others concerning the common flu as well. Let’s respect each other.

—Check your sources. The media is a sticky place to tread through right now. Don’t rely on a shared tweet or graphic with numbers on it, but with no sources. Read the whole story/speech/statement before sharing it or using it to support your argument. Acknowledge all the information, not just the bits that make you feel justified.

(3/16/20) Now, this is turning into a journal of some sorts.

It is now day 2 of my self-quarantine/social distancing. Yesterday I finished one book and started another. I am treating today like any other day sans going out. It helps that it is raining. While it adds to the doomsday feel, it makes staying at home more cozy and justified.

Bars, Restaurants, gyms, etc. are closed in LA (except to fulfill take out orders). Still waiting on more test kits. Numbers are going to go up and I believe that it is going to get worse before it gets better.

The panic and anxiety are subsiding. I am feeling safer and a bit more motivated to take advantage of this time to better myself and my future. Whether that be mentally, physically or even financially. The first steps have to happen somewhere and some point, and sometimes over and over again. Now is the time that I am choosing to start. (Again.)

My heart is hurting for my freelancer and artist friends who are losing their chance to share their art because of the loss of gigs or students. I feel fortunate, despite losing gigs myself. But I am sure the inability to perform and rehearse will get to me eventually.

I am worried about friends and family who live far away from me. I am worried about my friends in Salt Lake City and my family throughout the country in Washington, Utah, Texas, and Virginia.

I deleted Facebook off my phone, and it has been a lifesaver. No more stress over the misinformed and opinionated and judgment filled posts. Instead, I check it once a day and only see my friends at the top of my feed, which makes me happy. I am also spending less time on my phone. I have kept Instagram and I love it. My feed is full of positive posts, more credited information, music, singing, and books. Lots of books. I feel more able to control what I am absorbing through that app.

A friend posted this on his story and I absolutely love and agree with it:

“Have Courage and be kind. You are not privy to the details of everyone’s situation. Their pre-existing conditions, finances, their loved ones who are already affected. We are better than this. Sensitivity costs you absolutely nothing.”

So shout out to Dayne for sharing that. That has been the one thing that has really disturbed me during the past couple of weeks. The complete lack of empathy and concern for others. It makes me anxious and sad to see.

Now is the time to acknowledge the art and beauty in our lives. Listen to your favorite music, discover some new music. Look at some art and read some poetry. Humans are incredible and it is interesting that people are turning to art and artists during this time. Whether that be through their TV, books, Spotify, etc. I am loving listening to podcasts and music. I am reading more and more. But I haven’t gotten into Netflix yet. For whatever reason, within the past year, I have not enjoyed watching TV. Although I am super excited about the free Metropolitan Opera broadcasts this week…

What a crazy, crazy, time.

Thanks for the adventure, Corona Virus.

Books, Life, Travel, Uncategorized

To All the… (a book review and a love note)

February 23, 2020February 23, 2020by Becca Clarke3 Comments

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It is the month of #Galentines #Valentines #singlesawareness #selflove ….

Everyone is posting about self-love for themselves and appreciation posts for their loved ones. It makes my heart happy to see people so positive and bright. But I am going to be honest: I wasn’t really happy during this most recent Valentine’s and felt some bitterness and sadness. I was feeling lonely and wishing I had that special someone. I was wishing that the holiday was on a weekday instead of a Friday. I was wishing it was just a normal Friday. I was wishing that I wouldn’t feel the pressure to “love myself.”

I do want to point out that it is OK to feel this way. Don’t get me wrong, I am all about loving yourself and truly believe that it is important to love and know yourself before you bring in another person into the mix. I want to promote all of those self-positive things in the internet world but I also don’t want to just follow the crowd. I want to be genuine with what my thoughts are currently. Not with what is trending. So instead I’ll post this – a book review with some little thoughts on love.

I am always scared to post on this blog. In reality, I am scared of having this blog. Sharing thoughts and feelings is not in my nature. But for some reason, I feel that I need to. I always seek like-minded people and others who can offer insight to their experiences. So I guess that is why I am doing it.

What a time to be alive on the Internet.

Also read : The Start of the Adventure

Last week Netflix released P.S. I love you – the highly anticipated sequel of To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before. So, of course, I watched it.

I have been a romantic sap since the idea of love, relationships, human connections, and boys were finally appealing (which was probably around the age of 13.) I love romcoms, old movie musicals, and classic romance novels. But YA romance has been my jam for a very long time and will probably always be my go-to.

I fell in love with the first movie a few months ago. There was a brief time period last year where I avoided any sort of romantically themed entertainment because of heartbreak and boys, but this one was the first romance-themed anything I allowed in. It was perfect. I loved the wittiness, the visuals, the acting, and of course the story. So with the announcement of the new movie and the need for some beach reads and what I call, “bubble-gum reads,” I went to the library and checked out all three novels for my trip to Cancún this past November.

TO ALL THE BOYS I’VE LOVED BEFORE TRILOGY by Jenny Han

These books had all the quintessential charm that I love with YA romances – a protagonist that is witty, charming, and endearing. She doesn’t quite fit in and has quirks that I (as a female and equally quirky reader) could relate to. She is a dreamer and she is intelligent. I relate to her but also want to be her. She is real, makes mistakes, and is inspiring. The themes of race identity, sisterhood, family, and love are all over this series. But there are also the real emotions of what it is like to experience love for the first time. There is the heartbreak, the fear and the bravery it takes to fall for someone. Even though I am a twenty-something-year-old, I have been experiencing a lot this “love” stuff for the first time in the past couple of years. So maybe it was just good universe timing to come across these books, but I found them very relatable and enjoyable despite being well past high school age. (Which you can’t say about all YA books…) Jenny Han nailed it and I want to be her best friend.

Also read : January in Books

BOOKS OR MOVIES??

Books. Books all the way. The first movie is great and preferably better as a stand-alone film. No need for a sequel. Again it had all of the charms as the first book. But the second movie just didn’t do it for me. “But I want to know what happens, Becca!” Well… Read the books to find out what happens with our favorite Lara Jean and Peter Kavinsky is all I can say.

The sequel film was cute. It had the beauty and the things we loved about the first movie. Our favorite characters and actors could be seen in all their glory – with their desirable vintage wardrobes and perfect eyelashes. Now don’t get me wrong, I LOVE these actors and have delved into the rabbit hole of endless internet interviews with them. But when it comes to the story the second movie didn’t really do it for me. Mostly because of John Ambrose’s character. In the movie, he still wasn’t even near in competition with PK. In the book though…he was winning for me. Better LJ and JA moments are all over and there is much more Stormy (whom I love dearly.) The characters are developed better (you go Jenny Han), and the turmoil of PK and LJ is more intense.

So books. Books always win.

“Love is scary: it changes; it can go away. That’s the part of the risk. I don’t want to be scared anymore.”
― Jenny Han, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before

Now for little love letters…

“To all those friends who I have loved before…

I still love you. And always will. Even if we don’t see or even speak to each other – you mean a lot to me as you have affected me and my life. My life and how I view the world has been shaped in some way by you. Thank you for sharing the time and the moments with me. Thank you for being part of the memories. Thank you for making me laugh and smile. Thank you for standing there as I cried, complained, or acted simply ridiculous. Thank you for accepting my quirks and for supporting me. Thank you for still loving me.

Love, Becca”

“To that person who means more to me than they know…

I still love you. There is so much to say, but not really the words to express it all. I have felt the entire range of emotions with you. I have felt sadness, anger, but also utter joy and giddiness with you. You are the first person who I have truly felt that desire to put your happiness first above my own. You have opened up my mind to new things and a new life. I have felt your love. I love our memories. I love our habits and little phrases we say to each other every time we are together. I love the little things – every little hug and handhold. Now, who knows what will happen. Maybe the stars will finally align. I miss you, I am so proud of you, and I will talk to you soon.

Love, Becca”

Lastly…

“To Becca…

I still love you. Even though I will self-depreciate, criticize, and judge you I still think you are pretty great. You have accomplished so much and have legitimate dreams that are worth pursuing. You are beautiful, but it is also ok to not like what you see or how you feel. You are human. Anyways, this is a little weird but…I love you and you are worth loving.

Love, Becca”

Also read : Thoughts by a Human…

Thanks to love for influencing almost every part of our lives and being the one feeling that every human being can understand and can use to connect.

Thanks for the Adventure, Love.

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Books, Bucketlist, Uncategorized

January in Books

February 2, 2020February 2, 2020by Becca Clarke2 Comments

Back to the books books books! This past month I let myself completely delve into whatever book I wanted and it was great! During the Holidays, I was gifted an Amazon Kindle (for all those future trips I hope….) and fell in love with it surprisingly, as I LOVE the feeling of a real book. I also tried my best to get through a giant stack that I had spontaneously checked out from my local library.

I am still aiming to complete my Bucket list item!

Related: Thanks for the Bucketlist #2

HUNGER GAMES TRIOLOGY by Suzanne Collins

5 Stars

I had a blast rereading these. I read them on my Kindle as they were free in the Kindle Unlimited Library. After each book, I watched the corresponding movie. I loved these books when they first came out and I loved them again. The writing, the suspense, the characters were just what I wanted out of a consuming, fun, YA read.

Are you Team Gale or Team Peeta? Back in the day, I was Team Gale all the way. I couldn’t help but sympathize with him and I loved the idea of a long-time friend turning into a long-time love. (Well let’s be real…I still love and believe in that idea.) This time around, Team Peeta. More realistic. The better person in the long run. I mean the end of Mockingjay….c’mon Gale…

Fun Fact: I read the first book merely months after it was first published, thanks to the recommendation by Stephenie Meyer on her website. Which I followed and read religiously at that time. I simply grabbed it off the shelf of the library, as no one knew about it. I had to wait a year and a half for Catching Fire, and by that point, it literally caught fire amongst my age group.

“Better to not give in to it. It takes ten times as long to pull yourself back together as it does to fall apart.”

“I’ll tell them how I survive it. I’ll tell them that on bad mornings, it feels impossible to take pleasure in anything because I’m afraid it could be taken away. That’s when I make a list in my head of every act of goodness I’ve seen someone do. It’s like a game. Repetitive. even a little tedious after more than twenty years. But there are much worse games to play.” -Suzanne Collins in Mockingjay

ELEANOR AND PARK by Rainbow Rowell

4 Stars

This was another sweet, fast, endearing read. I picked it up on a day I was feeling extremely anxious and needed something to pull me away from my problems quickly. This was absolutely perfect. Within an hour I was 70 pages in and hooked. I fell in love with the characters. The emotions were real and extremely relatable. First love is no joke and this novel nailed it right on the head. It touched on deeper topics such as race, poverty, self-esteem, body image and social pressures. It had a sad ending, leading to tears on my end, but there is just enough hope in where I could imagine where I wanted it to go. Which made me feel better overall. Someone recommended to me to read all of Rowell’s books, which I plan on doing.

“There was something about the music on that tape. It felt different. Like, it set her lungs and stomach on edge. There was something exciting about it, and something nervous. It made Eleanor feel like everything, like the word, wasn’t what she’d thought it was. And that was a good thing. That was the greatest thing -Rainbow Rowell in Eleanor and Park

MATCHED by Ally Condie

3 Stars

The premise is interesting and of course, I live for a love triangle/story. Even cheesy and unrealistic YA ones. I gave the third star for Condie’s writing. There were simply beautiful passages that were almost poetic. The descriptions were artistic and enjoyed her overall tone.

That being said, the reason I didn’t love this dystopian YA romance was simply the character development. Especially concerning the main heroine, Cassia. Love her and what she represents but her growth and change didn’t make sense to me. She begins as one of the “citizens,” naive and oblivious to the underlying evils. You sense that events chapter after chapter are an important discovery but they don’t line up with her sudden change to “rebel.” It’s as if the author knew what Cassia would be but not where she came from. I was bothered by that. Her sudden love for Ky also did not make sense. There was no major dilemma or choice that she made to not be with Xander, despite the sweet passages, in the beginning, all the way through halfway in the book. Again, seemingly very sudden. No sense of story arc as well. Overall struggled.

I’m still going to read the other two as I have this incessant need to know what happens. Especially if the answer is sitting on my bookshelf…

“Every minute you spend with someone gives them a part of your life and takes part of theirs.” -Ally Condie in Matched

Related: July in Books

Honorable mentions…Those that I started but didn’t finish because of Library due dates…

MANSFIELD PARK by Jane Austen

THE WOMAN WHO SMASHED CODES: A STORY OF TRUE LOVE, SPIES, AND THE UNLIKELY HEROINE WHO OUTWITTED AMERICA’S ENEMIES by Jason Fagone

I’m excited for my February reads. I am joining a couple of book clubs and I never know what I’ll find in the library.

Thanks for the Adventure Books!

Bucketlist update: 27/52

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California Adventure, Life, Travel, Uncategorized

Thanks(giving) for the Adventure

December 2, 2019by Becca ClarkeLeave a Comment

With the Thanksgiving week ending and everything quickly switching to the full Holiday season, I want to quickly share some “Thanks” on my corner of the internet.

And I won’t lie but what inspired this post, besides the yearly social media posts that occur during Thanksgiving week… World Kindness Day was awhile back. In memory of Mister Rogers in his adorable red cardigan, who shared the message that all deserve to be loved and all are valued, no matter our differences. I, personally, learned many subtle life lessons from Mister Rogers when I was little and I am just glad that they are still being remembered and shared.

“The greatest thing we can do

is to help someone know that they are

loved and capable of loving.”

– Mister Rogers

So…

Thanksgiving 2019… Things I am grateful for…

Health – my body is pretty incredible. It’s been through a lot and has some scars inside and out. There are some things that are happening that are a mystery to me, but my body is still thriving despite it. Love your body – faults, quirks and all.
Family – family is always something to be grateful for. Whether they are blood or not, my family is the reason I keep going. There is something about a group of people loving and supporting you unconditionally. They may also bring some pain and sadness, but there is always unconditional love being spun around.
Friends – my friends are my family. They are everything. They are the ones who have seen me at my best and my absolute worst. I can’t think of the words of how I want to express my love for them, so this will have to do. I love you, my friends! Go find yourself a good friend, and keep them. You won’t regret it.
Community – there is something special about feeling like you are truly a part of something. Whether that be through music, work, religion, the internet, and so on and so on. People are amazing and we can learn so so much from each other. Please, if you are lonely, know that you deserve a community. You can find one or create one with those around you. If you have one, bring others in. We all deserve it.
Kindness – so little can go such a long way. One thing can inspire so much. I appreciate every little act, smile, and word given to me this past year. And in trying to share more kindness myself, I am finding that I am kinder to myself and I recognize the little moments around me. See the kindness, and add some kindness to your world around you.

“There are three ways to ultimate success:

The first way is to be kind.

The second way is to be kind.

The third way is to be kind.”

-Mister Rogers

And lastly…Adventures – life, in general, is an adventure. It is why I started recording my life on this little blog and named it the way I did. I am grateful for every adventure, big or small. Adventures with my mood (because that’s real), adventures with my health, music, relationships. Adventures with exploring and traveling. There is so so much to see and experience and learn.

So… Wear a cardigan, watch some Mister Rogers, share some kindness, read some books, find the beauty, explore the world around you and…

Thanks(giving) for the Adventure.

How to, Jasper, Life, Uncategorized

The Wicked Witch…Halloween 2019

November 20, 2019by Becca ClarkeLeave a Comment

It’s been almost a month…So I figured I would post about my HALLOWEEN! Even though it was simple and pretty non-exciting, I wanted to share my super cheap but fun costume!!

Most years I dread Halloween and vow to avoid participating, but almost always cave last minute. I come up with a costume, use it as an excuse to wear as much makeup as possible and typically have a lot of fun.

In plays, musicals, and operas I LOVE playing the ridiculous, kooky, old lady, villain. But let’s be real…planning for Halloween when you don’t have plans, money, and the holiday falls on a weekday all you want to do is hang out at home with a bowl of candy, your dog, and a watch party of one of Hocus Pocus. Or at least I do…

This year was different being my first year out of school – a major part of Halloween is the social “showing off” of the costume- living a new state/city with little to no money/motivation to party and life felt a little upside down with the recent Southern California fires. Work was canceled the day before, due to the fire, and was unknown whether my one source of social-Halloween celebration would happen. But…it did! And really it was too much fun not to put this costume together.

This year’s costume was easy, affordable, and fun!

The motivation came from my job – where the department I work in planned a group costume surrounding Disney’s Snow White. Within our cast, we had Snow White, the Evil Queen, all seven dwarves, and myself as the Wicked Witch! We trick-or-treated between departments, ate lunch together, and showed off our costumes. Jasper came with me, made lots of new friends (human and dog), and I even scared a couple of coworkers inadvertently. I spent the rest of the day with my “Hot Dog” named Jasper at home in my PJ’s and crazy hair and makeup. I watched movies, read one of my “spooky” books and treated candy to a whomping number of four trick-or-treaters. What a good and spooky day…

This costume was one small trip to Target, a search on Pinterest, one makeup practice, and about 40 minutes the day of. I probably spent a total of $20 on this costume.

Items I bought: a cape for $12.99 (you can see a variety of ones HERE), and two cans of white-colored Hairspray for $2.99 each. All purchased at Target!

Items I gathered: black clothes, an apple, and lots and lots of makeup

WICKED WITCH MAKEUP IN 7 EASY STEPS

BASE – I did my base foundation like I would every other day. Moisturizer-Primer-then foundation. I chose a lighter base color to seem more “aged” and to allow the contouring lines to POP
CONTOUR – Coutouring is EVERYTHING! I used a darker powder from what I normally use for the basic cheekbones, jawline, chin, and nose shaping.
AGE LINES – I used the Ben Nye creme based contour pot then multiple pictures on Pinterest and my own wrinkles as reference. I painted each line then would blend using a blender sponge then topping it off with some contour powder. For the harsher lines (around my eyes, eyebrows, and lips) I would also line (then blend) with the Ben Nye white creme base to add definition.
EYEBROWS – I had initially attempted to do the full-blown drag/glue down/and draw a new eyebrow look but absolutely failed. So instead I took the Ben Nye Black Creme base and drew the initial shape. I filled in the brows, added harsh hairs above and shadowed the hairs using the white.
EYES – I did a very basic eye look, using browns and nudes to emphasize my hooded eyes. I added a little mascara since my lashes are blonde and non-existent.
LIPS – I added some wrinkles around the lips and put on my favorite Red liquid lip. Hey, a witch has got to glamourous too. She is a queen after all…
FINAL STEP – I literally fiddled around adding harsher lines, contouring some more, and adding a “wart” on my nose using my drawing skills when I was done. Mostly just have fun and make it your own! You can be as glamorous or harsh as you want!

Thanks for the Adventure Halloween! (And Wicked Witch…)

Tag: blog

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Thanks COVID-19 pt. 3 (And Easter)

Thanks COVID-19 pt. 2

To All the… (a book review and a love note)

January in Books

Thanks(giving) for the Adventure

The Wicked Witch…Halloween 2019

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