Tag: change

Bucketlist, Life, Uncategorized

25 Adventures – A Birthday Bucket List

by Becca Clarke5 Comments on 25 Adventures – A Birthday Bucket List
25 Adventures – A Birthday Bucket List

*written July 3, 2020*

Welp. It is my 25th Birthday.

Birthdays are either one of two things – an unforgettable day with an exorbitant amount of anticipation leading up to it

or

a day that’s just a day. It marks a new chapters but not a lot of hub bub happens.

I hate planning a day for myself. I live for surprises and I am pretty sure my love language is through actions and words. (This girl don’t need no expensive gifts, just a planned, happy, little, moment…)

Anyways like many throughout the world, this year’s birthday has been thrown for a loop with the worldwide pandemic. My quarter life day of celebration will always be remembered thanks to a little virus that, unfortunately, means I will be most likely be spending at home without friends a family around. It is OK. But still a little sad.

So today I am going bask in the beauty. I will eat sushi and red velvet cake. I will not work. I will talk to family and friends. Then I will probably end my day eating more cake and watching the new Hamilfilm 🙂 While I wish I could be traveling somewhere or have all of my special people with me, it will still be a special day.

To top it all off I want to list 25 Bucketlist items for this next year of life.

  1. Go on a solo trip – I know that’s a lot, especially now, but ya girl has that travel bug and cannot wait for the world to be safe again.
  2. Travel to a new country – I missss international travel. This bucket list item will always be on every list that I create
  3. Travel to Utah (see friends and family again)
  4. Apply for Grad School – more on this later…..eeep
  5. Get in to Grad School – extra eeeeeep
  6. Pay off my Student Loans (all $12,000 that’s left)
  7. Make $25 from my own business – I don’t know what this is yet. Is it this blog? Is it music? Something new that I cannot even comprehend?
  8. Run a half marathon – I am on my way to a 5K…. a half marathon is doable right?
  9. Lose 25 lbs
  10. Touch my toes – I have not been able to do this since before puberty. This will change
  11. Do the splits
  12. Feel happy being alone – this one is cryptic, but loneliness seems to be a theme that is at the forefront of this new chapter. I want to change that.
  13. Sing on a stage
  14. Sing an opera aria and BE PROUD OF IT – believe or not, after years of undergrad training and performances, I have never felt that.
  15. Arrange a song and have it performed
  16. Go on a date
  17. Cook more
  18. Be more ethical in my purchases (secondhand clothes / clean beauty / locally made)
  19. Read and write more
  20. Spend one hour less on my phone each day
  21. Use essential oils more consistently in my day
  22. Go to therapy consistently – AKA find a therapist
  23. Change my perspective of myself – it is currently very degrading and hyper critical. Not okay.
  24. Depend on and trust myself
  25. Love more freely

Some things are specific, some are cryptic. Some are silly and some are deeep. But I believe that if I intend on spending the next 365 days of my life with these little goals in my head, they will all happen. I am so grateful for my little day. I am so grateful for my life and I hope to add more to it, be my best self and help others in the process. So here’s to the next chapter in Becca’s life.

And don’t forget : Black Lives Matter / Breonna Taylor was murdered / racism is real / vote / love is love / wear a mask / respect each other/ we can get through this together

Thanks for the Adventure, 25.

BLM, Uncategorized

I Have White Privilege and I Acknowledge It

by Becca Clarke3 Comments on I Have White Privilege and I Acknowledge It
I Have White Privilege and I Acknowledge It

First things first.

Racism in America exists. Systematic racism in America exists. Parts of the government are corrupt. There are problematic and dangerous police procedures. Oppression of human beings based on the color of their skin has been an active part of the societal norm for generations, and it is still the case in modern-day.

Second. White human beings have a social advantage that allows unconscious enjoyment and more ease of life. That being said…

White Privilege is not the suggestion that you, as a white human being, have not suffered or struggle or that you have not worked hard for your accomplishments. White Privilege is an unearned, and usually unacknowledged, social advantage that you as a white human being have simply because of the color of your skin. Your skin color has not been the cause of your hardships. It also means that you have the power to remain silent or retreat from a movement that makes you uncomfortable. It allows you to choose when and where to take a stand.

I have privilege. I am a white, middle-class, educated, woman. I have White Privilege. I feel guilt over the feelings I have felt when someone posts, “Check your privilege.” Because the truth is I never have before. I need to. I have been part of the problem and simply followed the subconscious teachings of the society that I grew up in.

I have felt guilt over feeling discomfort concerning the recent events of police brutality and racism. I feel guilt over staying quiet and not being a strong enough ally. I feel guilt over the fear I have been feeling to speak, to share, and even validate other’s words.

I am ready to turn these feelings of sadness, timid fear, and discomfort towards action and purpose. I admit, this process is new to me but I am listening, I am willing to unlearn and relearn what I need in order to understand more, I will listen better,  be a strong ally, and help with the change.

I am sorry. And while some may say that I shouldn’t feel like I have to apologize, I do because there are now moments that I see now how my privilege is a constant in my American way of life. I see how it pushed me in front of my POC schoolmate. Or how my privilege allowed me to always never doubt that if I work hard for it, I will receive the opportunities I earned – without my race getting in the way. I did not realize before, now I do.

I thank those who have been outspoken and informative in these past few weeks and who have called me out. Both in general and personally. As uncomfortable it has made me feel in moments, or how scared I have been to point out racism in someone’s who does not seem to understand.

No matter how much my empath heart hurts, it does not compare to the hurt and fear that my oppressed and persecuted brothers and sisters deal with, and have dealt with for generations. I absolutely cannot understand what it is like to be black in today’s America. Systematic racism is real. You cannot deny it. So instead I will vow to not be neutral and stand with you. I vow to listen. I vow to educate myself and look towards a brighter future. I stand with you and for you.

I acknowledge this privilege that I have. I check it. I will listen. I will unlearn the subconscious ideas and teachings that is around.

No one. No one deserves to feel hurt, pain, fear, lose a loved one, or lose their own potential and even life just because of the color of their skin. No one deserves to suffer through prejudice.

#blacklivesmatter

Words, statements, social media posts, apologies can be the first step. Now it is action – through education, more listening, having conversations, using voting rights, reaching out to our local government authorities, and demanding change. There is no one right way, but words need actions to be powerful. It will take time. I will not allow my investment in this movement “die” after it dwindles on the internet popularity scale.

Here are some articles that I have found or have been shared to me in the past few days. Please share more resources in the comments! I would very much appreciate it.

White Privilege learning specific resources—–

White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack by Peggy McIntosh – originally published in the Freedom Magazine in 1989                                                                         *This article seems to be the “mother” of white privilege essays. McIntosh has been credited for coining this idea and being the first to speak openly about it. Research Peggy. She is fascinating and has many writings about activism, anti-racism and gender equality.

What is White Privilege, Really? by Cory Collins for Teaching Tolerance Magazine           *There are even more articles sourced throughout

A White Friend Asked Me on Facebook to Explain White Privilege. I Decided to be Honest by Lori Lakin Hutcherson in Yes! Magazine. Originally published in Good Black News

Resource Lists——

Yes! Magazine 

How You Can Be an Ally to the Black Lives Matter Movement from Great Big Story     *This is mainly a list of resources for more self-education – books to read, podcasts to listen to, etc. As well as a list of places to donate.

Scaffolded Anti-Racist Resources – document                                                                         *Another compiled list of resources of all types.

Instagram Accounts to follow —-

@ckyourprivilege        @thegreatunlearn           @rachel.cargle          @bklivesmatter

Amongst others….

This is such a small list to what is out there. These just are the ones that I have read myself, recently, and some of the people who I personally follow . There are so many resources, things to read, listen, watch, available. There are so many people to follow, listen, and learn from.

 

Life, Uncategorized

Thanks COVID-19 pt. 3 (And Easter)

by Becca Clarke1 Comment on Thanks COVID-19 pt. 3 (And Easter)
Thanks COVID-19 pt. 3 (And Easter)

(4/12/20) Typically this entry should go at the end but… A quick word about Easter.

It was an absolutely lovely day, despite having no sun or family around like normal Easter Sunday’s have been. I did lots of baking and cooking, listened to Handel’s Messiah in its entirety,  and rewatched classics like The Notebook and Harry Potter. I was raised very religiously so this holiday has always been pretty significant. While I have not quite continued in that path I had a lovely, spiritual, day. It allowed me to think and be grateful for what I have as well as what I believe is at the core of the Easter and Passover Season:

This is a time of rebirth and change. It is a time where beauty, warmth, and new life arises after a dark period. Winter to Spring. I, and I’m sure many others, have been feeling this motivation to create a positive outcome out of the strange time of being forced to stay at home and away from others. It is a time where we have been given more time to think and do. I have heard many people exclaim (and have caught myself doing the same) that we will emerge from this quarantine with a new skill, more books read, goals accomplished, and fitter bodies. It just seemed a little ironic, and comforting that this holiday season happened amongst all this.

Anyways, it’s the little things. I may be pulling and stretching more and more to see the light in all this. But I’m glad I am.

Back to the normal, chronological, sequence of entries…

Read Thanks COVID-19

(4/1/20) The number of cases is growing. Parks are closing. More states are receiving orders to shelter in place. Politics are exploding. I’ve stopped checking the news as much. There is a new “normal.”

While there doesn’t seem to be a shift in the trajectory of this virus and how it’s spreading and how many are being affected, I have felt a shift in my own perspective today. I don’t know if it is because it is the start of a new month or even feeling the weather become warmer (which makes me happier in general.)

Today I suddenly felt like, “It’s going to be okay.” Time is still moving. The first couple of weeks of all of this it felt that time did stop. It felt as if all of a sudden the threat to my life and how I want to live it was bigger and more threatening. But the reality is, even before this pandemic and going forward after we start healing as a world from this, there was always a threat to life. and there will always be a chance of life suddenly changing, or even ending. You just don’t know.

It made me start thinking: when I wasn’t afraid of going to the grocery store or any sort of physical touch from anyone, how did I live? I just lived. Mind you, life was still hard and scary but for different reasons. This pandemic requires the same amount of strength that I have used against struggles against my mental health, the unknown and fears of my future, and even against other illnesses. Everyone has this strength in them, and I am starting to see it more and more. We all go through hard things and come out on top.

I anticipate that we will be in this strange state of a “paused life” for more time than was originally thought. But I also see a positive outcome. Don’t get me wrong, I am heartbroken for those who are sick, struggling financially, or have lost loved ones because of this. I don’t have much control over what I am capable of doing to aid some of that pain. I am staying home and use extreme precautions, and that is honestly one of the best things to do. I am trying to reach out more and more to friends and family. I am trying to create a positive and healthy place around me.

I am appalled when I see posts and pictures of my friends in other states and social distancing are not being done. I am terrified that my sister’s coworker claimed all of this is a hoax and is insisting on having parties and still coming to work. Meanwhile, she is sick and waiting to receive her test results back.

There is still fear. There will still be anger felt. But all we can do is do our best, stay at home, and live.

Read Thanks COVID-19 pt. 2 

(4/10/20)  Welp, it’s been a while…I haven’t felt super strong emotions, and fear, as I had been feeling at the beginning of the pandemic here in California, USA. There’s been a new normal that has been established, and a silver lining that I have found.

I am trying to become more in tune and in love with myself, my body, my dreams, and my reality. These things I have always tried to make a priority, but everything in life had seemed too busy. Kind of like a TV character standing in the middle of a busy intersection as cars, pedestrians, dogs, and bikers stream by. Moving so quickly that they are just streaks of colors, meanwhile the main subject is standing still.

But that silver lining that I mentioned before, is the time and the calmness at home to really enjoy those things. To really focus on me, but also really focus on those closest to me.

I mentioned it in the previous entry, but there is a new normal and even more so now. Because it is so, everything is not so scary. I know what I need to do to be safe and sane in all of this.

I wake up every day with the sun. No alarm. The earlier I fall asleep the night before the earlier I wake up, but it’s become later and later as I spend every late-night watching Netflix with my best friend over speakerphone, which I much prefer over early morning. Even Jasper is jiving with my new schedule and likes to cuddle and sleep in until 9 every morning.

I still make my bed, as it makes things feel put together and clean. I get into my workout clothes. Sometimes I eat breakfast first or I go out on a run, depending on the day. If it’s sunny, which it usually is except for this past week… I do some yoga in the backyard. The rest of my days are sprinkled with writing here, work, online window shopping, Instagram browsing, reading, practicing, Zoom calls, Snapchat, Podcasts, and lots of music. Some days I wear makeup. Sometimes I curl my hair. Every night I talk to someone on the phone, whether that be family or close friends. Not so much for them, but for my own selfish, lonely, feelings.

I like this slower pace but I am starting to miss the busy. But I truly think once all of this starts making a positive turn, life will not simply go back to the way it was. I think I will be less “busy,” but with more things that I enjoy. In this isolation period, I am missing things that I had previously felt “burnt out” of, such as serious music practice and classical music in general. I am feeling more motivated to “self-brand” myself and really do the things that I love, without shame. I feel an entrepreneur spirit. The little things are now bigger.

Overall, I feel more the effects of these “silver linings” and I am very much grateful for it. I am feeling guilt over my gratitude over this dire situation the entire world is in. So I am determined to keep being the best “me” I possibly can be to try and combat those feelings, as I feel very little control over the situation and my ability to add significant aid to others.

So I hope these little meager posts are helpful or simply a break to someone. I hope there is some beauty and silver linings in your life right now. We can do this, World. And what a beautiful place it’ll be.

marchbook -7

Read Thanks COVID-19 pt. 2

Please please please share a comment! Follow the blog! I would love to follow back! This sharing thing is scary at times, but so worthwhile when I connect with others through it. Especially now. Anyways, lots of love and hope for health and safety to all of you.

Stayed tuned for a travel blog/vlog next!

Can’t wait? Read Thanks for the Memories Taiwan (Part 1)

Anyways…

Thanks for the Adventure, Corona (and Easter)

 

SOCIALS!

Instagram – I am constantly browsing, posting, and commenting here! (or at least it feels like it) Posting everything from blog, books, dogs, and music music music 🙂

Facebook – Blog updates and occasional Instagram content that’s too good, or simply makes me happy, to not share.

Goodreads – All things books! Full reviews are on there!

Bloglovin’ – I’m trying out this platform. You like it? Follow me! Show me why it’s worth investing in 🙂