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Thoughts by a Wannabe Not So Wannabe Blogger

June 14, 2020June 14, 2020by Becca Clarke3 Comments

Wow. The world has changed so much but also so little in 2020. It is not as if these new issues, new changes, new challenges are barely emerging but more that they have come to light. Humanity, our society, as a whole has been put under a spotlight. I haven’t liked what I have seen or felt. It overwhelms me and saddens me. I am glad that certain things are now being more publically fought for and change is being demanded but it is a lot to comprehend all at once. It is a lot to find a place and purpose in all of it.

I highly contemplated disconnecting from the internet completely – to avoid the stress and pressure to appear real, genuine, kind while being politically intelligent and correct. I have always felt apprehensiveness in promoting my own contributions to the internet, but especially now is it harder to share.

Also Read:Thanks COVID-19 pt. 3 (And Easter)

I have been at a loss at what to do concerning this little corner of the internet that I created for myself. I had a vision of it being a fun, full of light, place where I could share and experiment and help people while possibly make some money while doing it. But it is also easy to lose that vision to all the other feelings that appear when you share yourself to others.

I have never considered myself a writer, as I have never embodied or related to the “writer stereotype” you see on TV, in books, and at school. You know that person who is constantly working on their next debut novel and/or majoring in Creative Writing in college. I consistently received B’s and C’s for my papers in school. I majored in Music, avoiding as many classes that involved writing. Probably because I hate editing and revising while sticking standards. I don’t want to write a book or the next news breaking article.

But I love writing. I journal. A lot. Filling one each year. There are mostly filled with thoughts and feelings about boys, family drama, and questions about my future. A lot of times I feel like Anne Frank when she wanted to edit and revise those entries that revealed any sort of naiveness or youth. I do feel joy and relief to write it all out and it gives me a chance to contemplate as well as appreciate my world, but these entries are not written to share with the world.

Also Read: Thoughts by a Human…

I get passionate about things, ideas, books, and excited about my adventures on trips. And sharing those things usually turn into words in a text or an instagram caption. Those photos and videos that captured memories that I still dream about sit on my phone and I just have to share them. Because they make me happy.

This blog, when I started it 7 years ago on Blogger.com (remember that??) was intended to be another journal of sorts. But one that was visually pleasing, reader engagement-based, and even business-like. Full of consistently planned posts and Pinterestable graphics – essentially a journal worth the public reading. But it turns out that is not realistic nor interesting to me.

But you know what? I refuse to let all of these feelings of self-doubt and fear stop me. I LOVE to write. I love my little blog and this corner of the internet that I have created here at this website and on my social media profiles. I love sharing and seeing other people’s thoughts and art. I love learning from other human beings. But it is also fun. I enjoy writing these posts, designing graphics and headers. I enjoy posting and commenting and using this corner for good even if it only reaches one person, myself, per post. Well I enjoy it without the self added pressure.

I’m going to keep doing this – whether I have readers or likes. I am no longer going to worry about money or stats. I will start disengaging from the millions of articles titled “How to Build a Blog in 2020” and “How I Made X Amount of Money in 3 Months BLOGGING” on Pinterest. Now don’t get me wrong, when those things increase or I am inspired by these articles I feel an immense amount of joy and drive for this corner. There is also validation in my hard work. But mostly I love meeting new people and feeling that my world extends farther than my bedroom desk, especially now. I would rather have that fuel my work.

So… Thanks for the Adventure, Blog. I knew that this process would be hard at times and require some soul searching occasionally. But it’s worth it. I am excited to see where this goes. I am excited to share, create, research, read. I am excited to be publically passionate and supportive of other artists and writers. What a world 🙂

Socials : Instagram / Facebook / Goodreads

Books, Bucketlist, Uncategorized

Quarantine Books / Month 2

May 8, 2020by Becca ClarkeLeave a Comment

I am honestly blown away with how quickly the time, days, weeks, and months are passing through this pandemic, and priorities seem to change on a daily basis. Hence, why posts haven’t necessarily been happening on this platform. But that is OKAY (at least that’s what I tell myself…)

My reading has slowed down quite a bit. I have found a new daily grind and sadly it includes way too much time on my social media apps on my phone instead of reading or creating music. I think it is that desire to connect that everyone is talking about?? That being said, posts are planned and will be posted. I hope someone will read them…

Speaking of reading? Here are the books that I delved into in the month of April 2020 AKA Month 2 of Quarantine Books.

Also read Quarantine Books (March in Books)

WE RIDE UPON STICKS by Quan Barry

Get ready for some literary gushing…This book was an absolute gem to read and I am oh-so-grateful for my bestie, Diana, and the Fantastic Stranglings Bookclub by the Jenny Lawson. I am so glad I read this when I did because I discovered that two of my Top Shelf Vocal gals were also reading it. We started our own little book club over email and it made my heart happy.

Overall, the vibe of the book is funny and realistic with some dark paranormal elements that may or may not be real… The reader spends an entire summer/school year with a high school field hockey team in the 80s. There is every 80s reference one could want as well as teen topics that we all have dealt with. There are hints of feminism, the importance of friendship, and what happens when teen girls grow up. Even though I suffered through high school in the 2010s, I felt that the issues and situations were still very relatable (even now in adulthood) and the jokes were genuinely funny. I was lol-ing in just about every chapter.

The writing was astounding. At first, I had a hard time following the flow. There always seemed to be a lot going on at once without much direction. It wasn’t until I had realized that the POV was not from any one character, or even as third-person, but from the team as a whole. Their entire psyche was connected and telling the story. It added to the vibe and created a seamless storyline.

The characters were the biggest gems (other than the writing). I highly related to Becca, because…the name 😉 and big boob probs. I had definitely worn more than one sports bra to PE and was a proud, secret, member of the BBC (Big-Boobs-Club.) I also loved and related to Julie, since I too grew up in a conservative household, and I thought her very funny. I LOVED that “The Claw” and “Splotch” were their own beings and characters and the “Philip” situation/resolution was to die for.

The setting of the Boston North Shore brought me joy since the previously mentioned bestie is from there. I fell in love with the area when I visited years ago and I miss said bestie. So it was like having her closer, especially since she gifted the book club subscription!

All this being said…I loved it and was genuinely surprised that I loved it so much. My favorite Quarantine Read so far. Boom. You go Quan Barry.

“Hit the Earth three times with your stick. Lift your eyes to the hole in the night. Remember that darkness simply requires another way of seeing. Be your own light. And just like that, you’ll find yourself everywhere and instantly.”

Read I am Completely Fine…

MANSFIELD PARK by Jane Austen

An absolute classic that, surprisingly, I had never read before…

While not my most favorite Austen novel, it had all the qualities and characters that you can’t help but love in her works.

In my experience, every Austen novel is slow for the first hundred pages or so with long and expressive character development. Some necessary and some of it not. This book seemed to be extremely slow with it not capturing my excitement until the last hundred pages. The ending had the elements that I was hoping for but it seemed sudden and not satisfying. Not like P&P.

The characters were not my favorite and quite annoyed me really. The only redeeming one was Fanny Price, who may be my favorite heroine so far. I absolutely loved her and personally related to her. She had growth and thoughts that have been recorded in my little quote book.

I will say, the 1999 film rendition was absolute perfection, which I watched immediately after finishing the book. While straying from the book it still had that “Austen” essence. Fanny, in the film, was much more outgoing and outspoken. She had much more personality, which made me like her much more in general, but I was still in love with Austen’s original Fanny Price. Scenes were cut or reordered, but it allowed the flow and the themes to shine more. The humor was there and the men were oh-so-dreamy.

Overall, Mansfield Park‘s storyline was very similar to P&P, in my opinion, but still worth reading. There is nothing quite like Jane Austen on a rainy day.

“Her own thoughts and reflections were habitually her best companions.”

Read To All the… (a book review and a love note)

WATER FOR ELEPHANTS by Sara Gruen

*DISCLAIMER* – My reasoning behind reading this novel was based on the fact that I adore the movie. So much so that I purchased the DVD in college, despite not owning a playing device at the time. Also, Robert Pattison is a dream and Reese Witherspoon is a queen.

This was a nice, blissful, read. I love romantic period/historical books and movies so I was already sold to begin with. The storyline feels complete with the characters, events, the climax, and the ending. I will say that I loved the book’s switching back and forth in time in Jacob’s POV.

Jacob, Rosie, and the minor circus characters were by far my favorites. August was an alluring but somewhat boring villain and Marlena was kinda “eh” for me. Jacob was a lovable protagonist who had growth, both in the storyline of his past and future. I especially loved his kooky, somewhat negative, but sweet older self. Rosie was just a joy and I wish she had more moments in the book.

The themes were subtle but very apparent. Animal abuse, human cruelty, human kindness, family – both by blood and chosen, sex, growing up, circus (or outsider) culture, were among the few. There wasn’t one stand-out theme overall but they did add to the story. Overall it was an enjoyable read, simple in some ways but still good. Admittedly, I still like the movie better…

“Keeping up the appearance of having all your marbles is hard work, but important.”

“Life is the most spectacular show on Earth.”

Read Thanks for the Bucketlist #2

Although sometimes I have added a pressure to “read faster” and “read more,” because of my little Bucketlist goal – Books have still been a joyous thing to have. I love stories and different worlds. And sometimes delving into a different one is quite necessary.

Go enjoy the sun, Spring/Summer seems to be coming. Read more. Call more. Write more. Listen more.

Anyways, as always…

Thanks for the adventure, (Quarantine) Books.

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Life, Uncategorized

Thanks COVID-19 pt. 3 (And Easter)

April 14, 2020by Becca Clarke1 Comment

(4/12/20) Typically this entry should go at the end but… A quick word about Easter.

It was an absolutely lovely day, despite having no sun or family around like normal Easter Sunday’s have been. I did lots of baking and cooking, listened to Handel’s Messiah in its entirety, and rewatched classics like The Notebook and Harry Potter. I was raised very religiously so this holiday has always been pretty significant. While I have not quite continued in that path I had a lovely, spiritual, day. It allowed me to think and be grateful for what I have as well as what I believe is at the core of the Easter and Passover Season:

This is a time of rebirth and change. It is a time where beauty, warmth, and new life arises after a dark period. Winter to Spring. I, and I’m sure many others, have been feeling this motivation to create a positive outcome out of the strange time of being forced to stay at home and away from others. It is a time where we have been given more time to think and do. I have heard many people exclaim (and have caught myself doing the same) that we will emerge from this quarantine with a new skill, more books read, goals accomplished, and fitter bodies. It just seemed a little ironic, and comforting that this holiday season happened amongst all this.

Anyways, it’s the little things. I may be pulling and stretching more and more to see the light in all this. But I’m glad I am.

Back to the normal, chronological, sequence of entries…

Read Thanks COVID-19

(4/1/20) The number of cases is growing. Parks are closing. More states are receiving orders to shelter in place. Politics are exploding. I’ve stopped checking the news as much. There is a new “normal.”

While there doesn’t seem to be a shift in the trajectory of this virus and how it’s spreading and how many are being affected, I have felt a shift in my own perspective today. I don’t know if it is because it is the start of a new month or even feeling the weather become warmer (which makes me happier in general.)

Today I suddenly felt like, “It’s going to be okay.” Time is still moving. The first couple of weeks of all of this it felt that time did stop. It felt as if all of a sudden the threat to my life and how I want to live it was bigger and more threatening. But the reality is, even before this pandemic and going forward after we start healing as a world from this, there was always a threat to life. and there will always be a chance of life suddenly changing, or even ending. You just don’t know.

It made me start thinking: when I wasn’t afraid of going to the grocery store or any sort of physical touch from anyone, how did I live? I just lived. Mind you, life was still hard and scary but for different reasons. This pandemic requires the same amount of strength that I have used against struggles against my mental health, the unknown and fears of my future, and even against other illnesses. Everyone has this strength in them, and I am starting to see it more and more. We all go through hard things and come out on top.

I anticipate that we will be in this strange state of a “paused life” for more time than was originally thought. But I also see a positive outcome. Don’t get me wrong, I am heartbroken for those who are sick, struggling financially, or have lost loved ones because of this. I don’t have much control over what I am capable of doing to aid some of that pain. I am staying home and use extreme precautions, and that is honestly one of the best things to do. I am trying to reach out more and more to friends and family. I am trying to create a positive and healthy place around me.

I am appalled when I see posts and pictures of my friends in other states and social distancing are not being done. I am terrified that my sister’s coworker claimed all of this is a hoax and is insisting on having parties and still coming to work. Meanwhile, she is sick and waiting to receive her test results back.

There is still fear. There will still be anger felt. But all we can do is do our best, stay at home, and live.

Read Thanks COVID-19 pt. 2

(4/10/20) Welp, it’s been a while…I haven’t felt super strong emotions, and fear, as I had been feeling at the beginning of the pandemic here in California, USA. There’s been a new normal that has been established, and a silver lining that I have found.

I am trying to become more in tune and in love with myself, my body, my dreams, and my reality. These things I have always tried to make a priority, but everything in life had seemed too busy. Kind of like a TV character standing in the middle of a busy intersection as cars, pedestrians, dogs, and bikers stream by. Moving so quickly that they are just streaks of colors, meanwhile the main subject is standing still.

But that silver lining that I mentioned before, is the time and the calmness at home to really enjoy those things. To really focus on me, but also really focus on those closest to me.

I mentioned it in the previous entry, but there is a new normal and even more so now. Because it is so, everything is not so scary. I know what I need to do to be safe and sane in all of this.

I wake up every day with the sun. No alarm. The earlier I fall asleep the night before the earlier I wake up, but it’s become later and later as I spend every late-night watching Netflix with my best friend over speakerphone, which I much prefer over early morning. Even Jasper is jiving with my new schedule and likes to cuddle and sleep in until 9 every morning.

I still make my bed, as it makes things feel put together and clean. I get into my workout clothes. Sometimes I eat breakfast first or I go out on a run, depending on the day. If it’s sunny, which it usually is except for this past week… I do some yoga in the backyard. The rest of my days are sprinkled with writing here, work, online window shopping, Instagram browsing, reading, practicing, Zoom calls, Snapchat, Podcasts, and lots of music. Some days I wear makeup. Sometimes I curl my hair. Every night I talk to someone on the phone, whether that be family or close friends. Not so much for them, but for my own selfish, lonely, feelings.

I like this slower pace but I am starting to miss the busy. But I truly think once all of this starts making a positive turn, life will not simply go back to the way it was. I think I will be less “busy,” but with more things that I enjoy. In this isolation period, I am missing things that I had previously felt “burnt out” of, such as serious music practice and classical music in general. I am feeling more motivated to “self-brand” myself and really do the things that I love, without shame. I feel an entrepreneur spirit. The little things are now bigger.

Overall, I feel more the effects of these “silver linings” and I am very much grateful for it. I am feeling guilt over my gratitude over this dire situation the entire world is in. So I am determined to keep being the best “me” I possibly can be to try and combat those feelings, as I feel very little control over the situation and my ability to add significant aid to others.

So I hope these little meager posts are helpful or simply a break to someone. I hope there is some beauty and silver linings in your life right now. We can do this, World. And what a beautiful place it’ll be.

Read Thanks COVID-19 pt. 2

Please please please share a comment! Follow the blog! I would love to follow back! This sharing thing is scary at times, but so worthwhile when I connect with others through it. Especially now. Anyways, lots of love and hope for health and safety to all of you.

Stayed tuned for a travel blog/vlog next!

Can’t wait? Read Thanks for the Memories Taiwan (Part 1)

Anyways…

Thanks for the Adventure, Corona (and Easter)

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Life, Uncategorized

Thanks COVID-19 pt. 2

March 28, 2020by Becca Clarke2 Comments

(3/19/20) Lots is happening and lots is changing very quickly. They have announced the order to stay at home in LA and California – only go out for necessities. There’s no end date which is a bit concerning.

I’ve been feeling better overall. Less anxious and scared and more accepting of the situation. My days are enjoyable. I go on a run and take jasper on walks. I read. I work a little and I eat. I do a lot of daydreaming and I avoid my phone as much as possible. I avoid reading the news.

I get sad at night. I feel the most lonely at night, but that’s no different than before this pandemic. I mostly miss my close friends in Utah as well as my family.

I feel very far away from everyone and everything and I do find it hard to see an “end”. But I think everyone is feeling that way.

I am also feeling grateful and I want to take advantage of this time of isolation for self-reflection and forcing myself to slow down. I want to continue these survival habits I’ve started this past week.

I have loved the overall positive vibes coming from Instagram and the blogs I follow. I want to keep pushing out the joy in the little things that we all are forced to see now.

It’ll get better. I’ll see my people again. I will give them hugs and kisses. I will go on adventures again.

Read part 1: Thanks COVID-19

(3/28/20) It has been a hot minute, which is the most common opening line in my real journal LOL

But there is a new normal now, which makes me realize how quickly we adapt. I wake up, take the dog out, eat, exercise or play on my phone. I slowly work on my to-do list throughout the day while avoiding my anxiety. I eat more and read more. I usually finish off the day with a book and movie and goodnight wishes with my best friend.

I went to the store for the first time in over a week. It was refreshing and I felt incredibly proud of myself. I felt a bit back-to-normal after interacting with strangers.

I feel so privileged to not feel panicked about my financials right now. I know that if this quarantine period continues I will eventually become affected. But I am grateful to be living where I am, even though I have my moments where I feel absolutely trapped and not at home. I am grateful for my baby, Mister Jasper the dog. And thank goodness for a pandemic-stricken world that still has working technology.

I have my moments. I have had silent panic attacks and sometimes it seems like every night the weight of the world’s problems and my fears come crashing down. A “sorry” to my friend who has to hear it every night. But we have started saying one happy thing to each other as we say goodnight, and it’s usually that the sun came out or that we got our run/workout in. And I am oh-so grateful for those little moments before falling asleep.

I know that this entire situation will not be forever. Our society has gone through this time and time again, and we come together and become stronger because of it. I still have my fears that it won’t or that someone who is dear to me will suffer because of it. I am afraid that my vision of what I would like my life to be will not happen, because of the virus. But I will see my dear friends and loves soon enough. I will be making music, going to the beach, and having a mindless conversation with a stranger at a coffee shop register again.

What a world.

I intend on writing more. This is so therapeutic. I have met a number of new friends through the internet blog/instagram world, which is so exciting and I am so excited about it!

I have plans in the works, and posts to catch up on. I can’t wait to start sharing things that aren’t pandemic related, but simply make me, Becca, happy.

Anyways, as always…

Thanks for the Adventure, Corona.

SOCIALS!

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Check out my Goodreads to keep up to date what I am currently delving into 🙂

Much love to all of you!

Books, Uncategorized

I am Completely Fine…

March 22, 2020by Becca Clarke7 Comments

(3/20/20) I obviously started writing this FOREVER ago. Normally I would let it go but in honor of self-isolation, more book reading time, more time in general, and just trying to add positivity here’s a book review of a book I LOVED… Enjoy!

I seem to be feeling always a few steps behind in life right now. But that’s life right?

February flew right on by and brought back the intensity of day to day life, where I can’t necessarily sit in the grass for hours at a time divulging into a book. I wish I could, and I think I am going to make it a priority this next month to make that time for myself instead of mindlessly watching Facebook videos.

This month I am going to share my absolute favorite read from February… Well, I only read two books and one was absolutely horrible and I would rather gush about one that gave me all the feels and joy.

Read January’s reads: January in Books

ELEANOR OLIPHANT IS COMPLETELY FINE by Gail Honeyman

I am on cloud nine after finishing this book.

A little slow in the beginning, I had a harder time seeing Eleanor’s quirkiness as endearing and funny. But once I let myself be immersed in Eleanor’s world I was hooked. Every character was worth falling in love with. Eleanor’s comments and inner dialogues made me laugh out loud multiple times. There was a quote within every chapter that I was inspired by. I wanted to stay in the world of Eleanor Oliphant.

Honeyman is an incredible, emerging, author. The range of emotion throughout the novel is astonishing. There was enough laughter and light to counteract the very real and dark moments. Eleanor’s experience with depression was very very real. I found myself relating and needing to take a break from the book, because of how familiar her experience was to mine. The theme of loneliness is an important theme and should be talked about more within our society and I thank Honeyman for taking that on and making it such an integral part of the story. I think that is why so many readers love Eleanor. She shows that loneliness is real and okay. I also loved the emphasis Honeyman put on every little thing that brought joy and happiness to Eleanor. Such as noticing details during her walks to the bus stop. And the little, budding, romance made my heart skip beats. I absolutely loved it.

Anyways, I could gush more and more about this little book. I will recommend it to anyone and everyone. And while I love giving books away to share, this one will stay on my bookshelf to be reread.

“I would never have suspected that small deeds could elicit such genuine, generous responses. I felt a little glow inside–not a blaze, more like a small, steady candle.” -Gail Honeyman

You want another book review? Read: To All the… (a book review and a love note)

Even though it has been a month since I was in the world of Eleanor Oliphant, I am feeling more and more thankful for characters like hers and books like this. Characters can help us feel less alone and less isolated. Both in times where you feel symbolically alone, but also physically alone

Like Eleanor, I am completely fine…maybe not by normal standards but for Becca’s standards…I am completely fine in this new world we are living in.

I really recommend to those who want a moment of escape, since it seems we can’t even escape in our own homes, to find a book or a movie or a show or music to completely fall into. Fall into another world, even for a few moments.

I hope everyone is happy and healthy amongst all the craziness that our world is going through. And all I ask is, stay at home. Social Distance. This isn’t about you. You can make it about you by staying at home and reading a book or watching a movie or face-timing a friend. Let’s come together and flatten that curve and share some love.

Thanks for the Adventure, Eleanor

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Life, Uncategorized

Thanks COVID-19

March 16, 2020March 16, 2020by Becca Clarke2 Comments

I don’t know where I was going with this when I first started. I mostly needed a place to express my feelings and show others that they are not alone in their feelings. But I also wanted to share some positivity. Browsing social media, listening to podcasts, and talking to friends on the phone I am finding that majority of us are in the same place. Feeling the same feelings and having similar thoughts. We are just processing in our own ways. I really hope everyone is safe and healthy, as well as doing their part to fight this virus and protect those around them.

Today (3/12/20) was a big day for the United States concerning the Corona Virus, and with that brings lots of thoughts.

I have seen many post-apocalyptic movies and have read many books (such as The Giver by Lois Lowry and Anthem by Ayn Rand)…

(3/14/20) Obviously, I didn’t get all my thoughts down on paper at the moment and I’m glad I didn’t. I was full of anxiety, worry, and sadness over all of the uncertainty.

I live in Ventura County (neighboring county to Los Angeles county) and I am in LA 3-4 times a week for rehearsals and social things. Wednesday I thought we would all treat it like the “flu.” Thursday came around and I started to feel the panic myself and by evening the entire future for many people was shaken. Within one day events and rehearsals and jobs were canceled. I found myself needing to writing statements for the groups I sing in and for my online job concerning the virus. I started getting really scared and realizing that it is more than “just the flu.” I was tracking articles and browsing Facebook and getting frustrated and overwhelmed with the conflicting information, opinions, and lack of sympathy from people. It was a lot.

I want to express my thoughts in my safe little corner of the Internet because writing helps me process and feel better.

—The panic is real. While it seems a little uncalled for and extreme in some places of the country, it is ok to be worried for your family and others. That being said, it does not grant permission to be unkind and selfish. Take what you need (not more than you physically need), share with others, and connect with each other. What other time in our lifetimes has the entire world needed to ban together to support each other…oh wait we always should support each other.

—The judgment of others is not okay, and I am guilty of doing this recently myself. Someone may seem to be “over panicking.” You may see their precautions or statements online to quarantine and take the situation seriously as uncalled for because they are “young,” or “privileged” or “healthy.” The truth is you don’t know. They may be young but have a compromised immune system due to invisible chronic illness or necessary medications. They may be in daily contact with someone they care about who is compromised or in the “risk” age group. We shouldn’t have to worry about what others are thinking of us and we shouldn’t be using our energy in making those statements. And these opinions aren’t new, as accusations like this were made towards others concerning the common flu as well. Let’s respect each other.

—Check your sources. The media is a sticky place to tread through right now. Don’t rely on a shared tweet or graphic with numbers on it, but with no sources. Read the whole story/speech/statement before sharing it or using it to support your argument. Acknowledge all the information, not just the bits that make you feel justified.

(3/16/20) Now, this is turning into a journal of some sorts.

It is now day 2 of my self-quarantine/social distancing. Yesterday I finished one book and started another. I am treating today like any other day sans going out. It helps that it is raining. While it adds to the doomsday feel, it makes staying at home more cozy and justified.

Bars, Restaurants, gyms, etc. are closed in LA (except to fulfill take out orders). Still waiting on more test kits. Numbers are going to go up and I believe that it is going to get worse before it gets better.

The panic and anxiety are subsiding. I am feeling safer and a bit more motivated to take advantage of this time to better myself and my future. Whether that be mentally, physically or even financially. The first steps have to happen somewhere and some point, and sometimes over and over again. Now is the time that I am choosing to start. (Again.)

My heart is hurting for my freelancer and artist friends who are losing their chance to share their art because of the loss of gigs or students. I feel fortunate, despite losing gigs myself. But I am sure the inability to perform and rehearse will get to me eventually.

I am worried about friends and family who live far away from me. I am worried about my friends in Salt Lake City and my family throughout the country in Washington, Utah, Texas, and Virginia.

I deleted Facebook off my phone, and it has been a lifesaver. No more stress over the misinformed and opinionated and judgment filled posts. Instead, I check it once a day and only see my friends at the top of my feed, which makes me happy. I am also spending less time on my phone. I have kept Instagram and I love it. My feed is full of positive posts, more credited information, music, singing, and books. Lots of books. I feel more able to control what I am absorbing through that app.

A friend posted this on his story and I absolutely love and agree with it:

“Have Courage and be kind. You are not privy to the details of everyone’s situation. Their pre-existing conditions, finances, their loved ones who are already affected. We are better than this. Sensitivity costs you absolutely nothing.”

So shout out to Dayne for sharing that. That has been the one thing that has really disturbed me during the past couple of weeks. The complete lack of empathy and concern for others. It makes me anxious and sad to see.

Now is the time to acknowledge the art and beauty in our lives. Listen to your favorite music, discover some new music. Look at some art and read some poetry. Humans are incredible and it is interesting that people are turning to art and artists during this time. Whether that be through their TV, books, Spotify, etc. I am loving listening to podcasts and music. I am reading more and more. But I haven’t gotten into Netflix yet. For whatever reason, within the past year, I have not enjoyed watching TV. Although I am super excited about the free Metropolitan Opera broadcasts this week…

What a crazy, crazy, time.

Thanks for the adventure, Corona Virus.

Books, Life, Travel, Uncategorized

To All the… (a book review and a love note)

February 23, 2020February 23, 2020by Becca Clarke3 Comments

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It is the month of #Galentines #Valentines #singlesawareness #selflove ….

Everyone is posting about self-love for themselves and appreciation posts for their loved ones. It makes my heart happy to see people so positive and bright. But I am going to be honest: I wasn’t really happy during this most recent Valentine’s and felt some bitterness and sadness. I was feeling lonely and wishing I had that special someone. I was wishing that the holiday was on a weekday instead of a Friday. I was wishing it was just a normal Friday. I was wishing that I wouldn’t feel the pressure to “love myself.”

I do want to point out that it is OK to feel this way. Don’t get me wrong, I am all about loving yourself and truly believe that it is important to love and know yourself before you bring in another person into the mix. I want to promote all of those self-positive things in the internet world but I also don’t want to just follow the crowd. I want to be genuine with what my thoughts are currently. Not with what is trending. So instead I’ll post this – a book review with some little thoughts on love.

I am always scared to post on this blog. In reality, I am scared of having this blog. Sharing thoughts and feelings is not in my nature. But for some reason, I feel that I need to. I always seek like-minded people and others who can offer insight to their experiences. So I guess that is why I am doing it.

What a time to be alive on the Internet.

Also read : The Start of the Adventure

Last week Netflix released P.S. I love you – the highly anticipated sequel of To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before. So, of course, I watched it.

I have been a romantic sap since the idea of love, relationships, human connections, and boys were finally appealing (which was probably around the age of 13.) I love romcoms, old movie musicals, and classic romance novels. But YA romance has been my jam for a very long time and will probably always be my go-to.

I fell in love with the first movie a few months ago. There was a brief time period last year where I avoided any sort of romantically themed entertainment because of heartbreak and boys, but this one was the first romance-themed anything I allowed in. It was perfect. I loved the wittiness, the visuals, the acting, and of course the story. So with the announcement of the new movie and the need for some beach reads and what I call, “bubble-gum reads,” I went to the library and checked out all three novels for my trip to Cancún this past November.

TO ALL THE BOYS I’VE LOVED BEFORE TRILOGY by Jenny Han

These books had all the quintessential charm that I love with YA romances – a protagonist that is witty, charming, and endearing. She doesn’t quite fit in and has quirks that I (as a female and equally quirky reader) could relate to. She is a dreamer and she is intelligent. I relate to her but also want to be her. She is real, makes mistakes, and is inspiring. The themes of race identity, sisterhood, family, and love are all over this series. But there are also the real emotions of what it is like to experience love for the first time. There is the heartbreak, the fear and the bravery it takes to fall for someone. Even though I am a twenty-something-year-old, I have been experiencing a lot this “love” stuff for the first time in the past couple of years. So maybe it was just good universe timing to come across these books, but I found them very relatable and enjoyable despite being well past high school age. (Which you can’t say about all YA books…) Jenny Han nailed it and I want to be her best friend.

Also read : January in Books

BOOKS OR MOVIES??

Books. Books all the way. The first movie is great and preferably better as a stand-alone film. No need for a sequel. Again it had all of the charms as the first book. But the second movie just didn’t do it for me. “But I want to know what happens, Becca!” Well… Read the books to find out what happens with our favorite Lara Jean and Peter Kavinsky is all I can say.

The sequel film was cute. It had the beauty and the things we loved about the first movie. Our favorite characters and actors could be seen in all their glory – with their desirable vintage wardrobes and perfect eyelashes. Now don’t get me wrong, I LOVE these actors and have delved into the rabbit hole of endless internet interviews with them. But when it comes to the story the second movie didn’t really do it for me. Mostly because of John Ambrose’s character. In the movie, he still wasn’t even near in competition with PK. In the book though…he was winning for me. Better LJ and JA moments are all over and there is much more Stormy (whom I love dearly.) The characters are developed better (you go Jenny Han), and the turmoil of PK and LJ is more intense.

So books. Books always win.

“Love is scary: it changes; it can go away. That’s the part of the risk. I don’t want to be scared anymore.”
― Jenny Han, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before

Now for little love letters…

“To all those friends who I have loved before…

I still love you. And always will. Even if we don’t see or even speak to each other – you mean a lot to me as you have affected me and my life. My life and how I view the world has been shaped in some way by you. Thank you for sharing the time and the moments with me. Thank you for being part of the memories. Thank you for making me laugh and smile. Thank you for standing there as I cried, complained, or acted simply ridiculous. Thank you for accepting my quirks and for supporting me. Thank you for still loving me.

Love, Becca”

“To that person who means more to me than they know…

I still love you. There is so much to say, but not really the words to express it all. I have felt the entire range of emotions with you. I have felt sadness, anger, but also utter joy and giddiness with you. You are the first person who I have truly felt that desire to put your happiness first above my own. You have opened up my mind to new things and a new life. I have felt your love. I love our memories. I love our habits and little phrases we say to each other every time we are together. I love the little things – every little hug and handhold. Now, who knows what will happen. Maybe the stars will finally align. I miss you, I am so proud of you, and I will talk to you soon.

Love, Becca”

Lastly…

“To Becca…

I still love you. Even though I will self-depreciate, criticize, and judge you I still think you are pretty great. You have accomplished so much and have legitimate dreams that are worth pursuing. You are beautiful, but it is also ok to not like what you see or how you feel. You are human. Anyways, this is a little weird but…I love you and you are worth loving.

Love, Becca”

Also read : Thoughts by a Human…

Thanks to love for influencing almost every part of our lives and being the one feeling that every human being can understand and can use to connect.

Thanks for the Adventure, Love.

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Life, Uncategorized

Thanks Twenty-Nineteen

January 25, 2020January 25, 2020by Becca ClarkeLeave a Comment

We are a few weeks into a new DECADE! Crazy. Crazy. Crazy.

Even though I am late on the “New Years” trend, I want to acknowledge how good 2019 was despite all those hard, scary, and emotional moments. I want to acknowledge how much I have learned and changed for the good! I was talking with a friend and we started discussing our last year’s resolutions and goals. I completely surprised myself. While I wasn’t completely “successful” with those pesky annual resolutions (lose weight, make more money, yadadada), but every big thing or goal that I set I achieved! Really though, 2019 was oh so good. (Not like 2015. That seemed like a rough year for everyone. lol.)

Early January 2019 I officially made the decision to move from Utah to California. This was HUGE and spontaneous. Even though I said I had wanted to move to sunny CA ever since middle school, but actually doing it was very different. And very scary – financially and emotionally. I really had nothing to lose and much more to gain so I told myself to not renew my lease or go searching for reasons to stay and get ready…

It was HARD. So so hard. Lots of tears were shed, panic attacks endured, promises made and broken, goodbyes said…There were many reasons I wanted to stay…BUT I DID IT!!

I learned that change and growth are inevitable. Even if you try to stop it, it still happens. But I also learned that we humans have so much power in that we can manipulate the results (to a certain extent) to be a positive experience.

Closing chapters is difficult and there will always be things that you feel like you are leaving behind. Not everything (or everyone) can come with you.

But I did it 🙂

I made it a goal to find a job (or jobs…). And not just any job, but something I will enjoy and will push me towards a CAREER I want. Now I didn’t know what direction to go (and still don’t.) But I have explored. I’ve had the most jobs in the last six months than I have ever had…Now that sounds terrible from a professional standpoint. BUT…I found those jobs. I applied and applied and applied and managed to talk my way into some good learning and fun-filled experiences. I have also survived financially (barely) and I am proud of that.

I started a new church job – playing the piano for the choir and services at a local Methodist church. I have made connections and friends that I will probably keep for years. A door was opened into that area’s music world. And for me, every music opportunity is an opportunity for growth – as I am constantly doubting and hard on myself and my talents. Also, the church has a view of the ocean and I make sure to set aside some “beach time” every week – which is the most healing thing. The beach is my happy place.

I worked a temp job at a school photography company where I not only saw the behind-the-scenes of that kind of business but learned a lot about the local vibe from people who have lived here their whole life. I made some friends. I also quickly learned (like after the first day) that I do not enjoy desk jobs. I was only there 4 hours a day and I could barely make it through. It is not my vibe and I had to tell myself over and over again – it is OK.

I got a fully remote/online job and I love it. There is freedom and breathing room for me to do what I want and when. I feel the possibility of growth, change, and permission to set my own goals and defend my ideas within this particular business I’m working with.

I have learned I hate feeling stuck. I hate feeling tied and forced to stay somewhere because of strong commitments to something I really don’t care for (such as a mediocre job- that pays, kinda, but isn’t fulfilling.) I love feeling like I have the power to say yes or no to opportunities such as gigs or just fun vacations. I love feeling like I can make my day how I want it to be without a huge influence from a set-in-stone, every day, schedule. I love freedom.

I wanted to grow in music. I wanted to continue what I have been doing in the last decade and not become one of those who studied and dedicated their lives to something to only put money, success, and stability above it and completely change directions after school to only regret it later. Whew…

I have done so much music in 2019. Along the way, it felt like nothing. I felt like I wasn’t accomplishing much. That I was only doing the minimal amount, without much growth. I felt my failures. I self-analyzed and admittedly put myself down (as that is how I cope with trying to avoid disappointment…) But reflecting back…I sang with the Utah Symphony and Utah Opera. I auditioned and successfully joined Caroling, Top Shelf Vocal, Premiere and sang backups for artists like ROZEN. So many new things and new possibilities. I have met so many new people and new worlds/options have opened up. What a ride.

I do feel changed. A lot of personal changes (that I am not quite ready to share on the public internet haha) have occurred in the past year. The view that I have of myself has changed. How I see myself in the mirror and the future is constantly changing. I have discovered that while you may be on a path with people or forces pushing you along, ultimately it is your hard work and bravery to jump that makes it happen. I did it. I made those changes. Made the move. Went to the audition. yadadada. No one else. I am trying to embrace fear and feel like I am (somewhat/most of the time) succeeding. And I want to keep doing that in 2020.

2019 was my year of change – big and small – and I am oh so grateful for it.

Thanks for the Adventure Twenty Nineteen.

California Adventure, Life, Travel, Uncategorized

Thanks(giving) for the Adventure

December 2, 2019by Becca ClarkeLeave a Comment

With the Thanksgiving week ending and everything quickly switching to the full Holiday season, I want to quickly share some “Thanks” on my corner of the internet.

And I won’t lie but what inspired this post, besides the yearly social media posts that occur during Thanksgiving week… World Kindness Day was awhile back. In memory of Mister Rogers in his adorable red cardigan, who shared the message that all deserve to be loved and all are valued, no matter our differences. I, personally, learned many subtle life lessons from Mister Rogers when I was little and I am just glad that they are still being remembered and shared.

“The greatest thing we can do

is to help someone know that they are

loved and capable of loving.”

– Mister Rogers

So…

Thanksgiving 2019… Things I am grateful for…

Health – my body is pretty incredible. It’s been through a lot and has some scars inside and out. There are some things that are happening that are a mystery to me, but my body is still thriving despite it. Love your body – faults, quirks and all.
Family – family is always something to be grateful for. Whether they are blood or not, my family is the reason I keep going. There is something about a group of people loving and supporting you unconditionally. They may also bring some pain and sadness, but there is always unconditional love being spun around.
Friends – my friends are my family. They are everything. They are the ones who have seen me at my best and my absolute worst. I can’t think of the words of how I want to express my love for them, so this will have to do. I love you, my friends! Go find yourself a good friend, and keep them. You won’t regret it.
Community – there is something special about feeling like you are truly a part of something. Whether that be through music, work, religion, the internet, and so on and so on. People are amazing and we can learn so so much from each other. Please, if you are lonely, know that you deserve a community. You can find one or create one with those around you. If you have one, bring others in. We all deserve it.
Kindness – so little can go such a long way. One thing can inspire so much. I appreciate every little act, smile, and word given to me this past year. And in trying to share more kindness myself, I am finding that I am kinder to myself and I recognize the little moments around me. See the kindness, and add some kindness to your world around you.

“There are three ways to ultimate success:

The first way is to be kind.

The second way is to be kind.

The third way is to be kind.”

-Mister Rogers

And lastly…Adventures – life, in general, is an adventure. It is why I started recording my life on this little blog and named it the way I did. I am grateful for every adventure, big or small. Adventures with my mood (because that’s real), adventures with my health, music, relationships. Adventures with exploring and traveling. There is so so much to see and experience and learn.

So… Wear a cardigan, watch some Mister Rogers, share some kindness, read some books, find the beauty, explore the world around you and…

Thanks(giving) for the Adventure.

How to, Jasper, Life, Uncategorized

The Wicked Witch…Halloween 2019

November 20, 2019by Becca ClarkeLeave a Comment

It’s been almost a month…So I figured I would post about my HALLOWEEN! Even though it was simple and pretty non-exciting, I wanted to share my super cheap but fun costume!!

Most years I dread Halloween and vow to avoid participating, but almost always cave last minute. I come up with a costume, use it as an excuse to wear as much makeup as possible and typically have a lot of fun.

In plays, musicals, and operas I LOVE playing the ridiculous, kooky, old lady, villain. But let’s be real…planning for Halloween when you don’t have plans, money, and the holiday falls on a weekday all you want to do is hang out at home with a bowl of candy, your dog, and a watch party of one of Hocus Pocus. Or at least I do…

This year was different being my first year out of school – a major part of Halloween is the social “showing off” of the costume- living a new state/city with little to no money/motivation to party and life felt a little upside down with the recent Southern California fires. Work was canceled the day before, due to the fire, and was unknown whether my one source of social-Halloween celebration would happen. But…it did! And really it was too much fun not to put this costume together.

This year’s costume was easy, affordable, and fun!

The motivation came from my job – where the department I work in planned a group costume surrounding Disney’s Snow White. Within our cast, we had Snow White, the Evil Queen, all seven dwarves, and myself as the Wicked Witch! We trick-or-treated between departments, ate lunch together, and showed off our costumes. Jasper came with me, made lots of new friends (human and dog), and I even scared a couple of coworkers inadvertently. I spent the rest of the day with my “Hot Dog” named Jasper at home in my PJ’s and crazy hair and makeup. I watched movies, read one of my “spooky” books and treated candy to a whomping number of four trick-or-treaters. What a good and spooky day…

This costume was one small trip to Target, a search on Pinterest, one makeup practice, and about 40 minutes the day of. I probably spent a total of $20 on this costume.

Items I bought: a cape for $12.99 (you can see a variety of ones HERE), and two cans of white-colored Hairspray for $2.99 each. All purchased at Target!

Items I gathered: black clothes, an apple, and lots and lots of makeup

WICKED WITCH MAKEUP IN 7 EASY STEPS

BASE – I did my base foundation like I would every other day. Moisturizer-Primer-then foundation. I chose a lighter base color to seem more “aged” and to allow the contouring lines to POP
CONTOUR – Coutouring is EVERYTHING! I used a darker powder from what I normally use for the basic cheekbones, jawline, chin, and nose shaping.
AGE LINES – I used the Ben Nye creme based contour pot then multiple pictures on Pinterest and my own wrinkles as reference. I painted each line then would blend using a blender sponge then topping it off with some contour powder. For the harsher lines (around my eyes, eyebrows, and lips) I would also line (then blend) with the Ben Nye white creme base to add definition.
EYEBROWS – I had initially attempted to do the full-blown drag/glue down/and draw a new eyebrow look but absolutely failed. So instead I took the Ben Nye Black Creme base and drew the initial shape. I filled in the brows, added harsh hairs above and shadowed the hairs using the white.
EYES – I did a very basic eye look, using browns and nudes to emphasize my hooded eyes. I added a little mascara since my lashes are blonde and non-existent.
LIPS – I added some wrinkles around the lips and put on my favorite Red liquid lip. Hey, a witch has got to glamourous too. She is a queen after all…
FINAL STEP – I literally fiddled around adding harsher lines, contouring some more, and adding a “wart” on my nose using my drawing skills when I was done. Mostly just have fun and make it your own! You can be as glamorous or harsh as you want!

Thanks for the Adventure Halloween! (And Wicked Witch…)

Tag: personal

Quarantine Books / Month 2

Thanks COVID-19 pt. 3 (And Easter)

Thanks COVID-19 pt. 2

I am Completely Fine…

To All the… (a book review and a love note)

Thanks Twenty-Nineteen

Thanks(giving) for the Adventure

The Wicked Witch…Halloween 2019

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